And I Hate Him For It
by Jswarlos
Summary: "Did he look like this when he was fourteen?" Finnick's son finds himself in a strange new world that is slowly backtracking to the society that it once was. Faced with this, he struggles to find answers and also dealing with the added stress of being the son of the great Finnick Odair. T for some language, violence, and minor adult themes.
1. Bronze Hair and Green Eyes

My eyes spring open. I blink twice, focusing hard on the haze before me. The cries of the gulls outside my window bring me back to reality. I think for a moment and then realize. It's the day I dread each year. I exaggerate as I exhale and then rise from my bed. The mirror above my dresser reflects the image of your typical pretty boy.

I fix my hair with an old comb that once belonged to my father. People say I look just like my father did; I just shrug in response. I have his bronze hair and light green eyes. Sea green.

I get dressed. A light green tee and tan colored shorts should do the trick. I put them on and then sit down on my bed again. I continue to think. I look at the picture of my father, right next to the mirror. _Did he look like this when he was fourteen?_ He probably did.

My father was a hero when he was fourteen. He was a hero when he died ten years later. My father, to me, is still a hero. I just wish he didn't leave me behind with only my mother. She's good-hearted and kind, but she says I'm too much like him.

When the Capitol lost power fourteen years ago, in what we now call the Republic Revolution, President Paylor abolished the Hunger Games. She did not foresee that there were still plenty of Capitol loyalists, especially in Districts 1, 2, and 4. Now we're on the brink of another war between the richer districts and the poorer ones.

_Why can't things stay peaceful? Why must we fight?_

I go downstairs and see my mother cooking. Usually one of the servants cooks. There must be some special reason. Of course, it's my father's birthday. Even though he's long dead, my mother never forgets to celebrate.

"He'd be thirty-eight," she says. _I know_, I think, _you remind me how old he'd be every year_. But I don't say anything. As painful as it is to watch her reminisce about him, I can't stop her from thinking the things she does.

"What did you make for breakfast?" I asked, trying to stray from the topic.

"Fish fry," my mother says. "His favorite." I silently groan to myself. For fourteen years now, she's mourned. Luckily, she's never had to work. The Republic pays for a lot because my mother is "emotionally incapable" of holding a secure job. They give us slightly more money than they should because both my parents fought the Capitol, but my father died in the process.

"Thank you," I say. There's not much I can do without upsetting her, especially today. So I eat my breakfast in silence and look up occasionally to check if she is still staring at me.

"Sterling," she says my name. I make a small glance briefly and see the sadness settling itself in her green eyes. I look away before she notices. She repeats, "Sterling." I still don't look up. She says it one last time, "Sterling. Look at me." I do. "I love you. Just know that. You remind me so much of your father."

"And it hurts," I say. It's a bit too harsh, but it's true.

"It does," she admits. "But you have all the good things about him. You have his beauty. You have his gentleness. You have his caring and kindness."

"What don't I have?" I ask. When my mother gets her normal stints, I try my best to wring out as much information about my father before she goes into crazy mode.

"His cockiness," she says. "Of course, it was an act for the Capitol. Believe me, every woman was in love with him."

"So why'd he choose you?" I ask. _Oh no, did I just cross the line?_ I stare at her. The sadness moves through her, I can tell. The first tear forms. I open my mouth to apologize, but she just smiles.

"I used to ask myself that," she explains. "I used to ask him that. He would say 'Annie, why wouldn't I choose you?' and we'd leave it at that."

"How did he die?" I ask. In all these years, she's never once mentioned his death. All I know is that the Capitol was responsible for it.

It starts with slight shaking. _I did cross the line._ In my fourteen years with her, I have finally picked up on what calms her down. I get up and give her a big hug and pull her in tightly as the shaking turns to trembling. I shush her lovingly as she sobs. Close contact with a loved one, the psychiatrist used to tell me. He never got close enough to her to try, but I am close enough with her. After all, I am her son.

"I'm sorry," I say. She calms down a bit and rubs her temples. She leans her head into her hands and I know my part here is done. I clear off the table and leave to meet my friends so we can walk to school together. I take one last look at my mother. She's trying her best to collect her thoughts. She's unreachable until all her thoughts restore order.

I look up to the heavens and ask, "Why'd you have to leave?" No answer.


	2. Faces and Memories

"You're late," Juliana Flasia says. She's a short, lithe, brunette girl in my age group. I'm a good head taller than her. Her eyes are a deep chocolate brown color that cut me down to her size. Her hands rest on her hips, as if to mimic a mother figure, which I desperately need at this moment.

"I was a bit preoccupied," I say. I get a slight nod from the boy standing on her right. Liam Nevestone has ash blonde hair and bright ocean-colored eyes. He's around my height, maybe a bit taller, but much smaller. He's a smart kid, but doesn't have the muscle to back it up, which works out fine for him

"It's okay," Damian Seytifer cuts in. Damian is a tall, pale, muscular guy in my age group. He's over six feet tall and has yellowish green eyes that can be very intimidating if you don't know him. "We would be early anyway."

I mouth a thank you to Damian while Juliana and Liam are not looking. Damian is the only one of my friends who understands the extent of my mother's illness. We start walking to school. It's a bit of hike to get to, but we're traveling in a group, so it's fine.

Juliana is going on about some girl named Larissa who constantly flirts with Juliana's ex-boyfriend, Hawker. I personally never really liked this Hawker kid and I don't know who Larissa is so I'm not really listening to her. Juliana likes to talk. I think of her as great background noise. I know, it sounds terrible. Liam listens intently while Damian and I roll our eyes. The two of us float back for two reasons. One: we could care less. Two: it's pretty obvious Liam wants Juliana.

"What happened?" Damian asks. He knows to cut to the chase.

"Trembling fit," I say. He nods in understanding.

"Did you bring up your dad?" he asks.

"She did. I went along with it. She was fine until I asked about how he died."

"I'm sorry bud," he says, showing concern.

"It's fine," I say. I want him to know that he doesn't need to be concerned, but he likes to, so I go along with it.

"Why did she bring him up?" Damian asks another question. "I mean, doesn't she try to avoid talking about him?"  
>"She does," I say. "But today's different. He would be thirty-eight today."<p>

"Oh." I can tell he doesn't quite know what the right thing to say is. "Young."  
>"I know," I say.<p>

"Are you guys gonna catch up?" Juliana calls back to us. We both continue our eye rolls as we quicken our pace to join the other two. "What was I saying? Oh right." And she returns to her angry rant about how Hawker doesn't care about her feelings. _Why do I talk to her?_

When we get to school, we split up like we always. Juliana and I have our lockers on the East Side, so we move that way. "I get you're upset," she breaks the silence.

"What?" she catches me off guard.

"Trust me. I know what you're going through. You could have said something to us after all these years."

_What is she talking about?_ "What do you mean?"

"I mean, why don't you ever talk to us about your issues at home?"

"I don't like talking about it," I give the usually excuse. It is true. _Who is she to question me like this?_

"Sterling, don't be afraid to open up. I care about you. You are my best friend."  
>That really catches me off guard. I know we're friends, but best friends? "Thanks," I say. "I just don't like talking about it," I repeat again. She knows to back off, which I'm glad about.<p>

"Just know that if you need someone to talk to, you can always come to me."

We separate to go to our lockers and the day returns to normalcy. That is until lunch. My age group, the fourteens, has lunch at the same time as the year below us. I it with Damian, Liam, and Juliana, like usual. Juliana is telling some story about something that happened in her Dark Days History class when I see it.

A pretty blonde thirteen-year-old girl who I've seen around school before sits two tables over. She is facing in my direction and laughing at a joke. Then she looks over the jokester's shoulder and we catch eyes. They're a deep sapphire color. Her wide smiling face shrinks as her face flushes. I look away momentarily, but she doesn't.

_Who is she?_ I know her from somewhere, I'm sure of it. My mind goes back six years.

_ It was a dark winter night. I made my way from the docks to the area of town where we live. They used to call it the Victor's Village back during the days of Capitol. Now it's just a slightly above average place to live. When I get onto the street, I saw a young girl with the same blonde hair and blue eyes. She had the same nose, mouth, ears, face, everything. She was crying. I stayed my distance, but watched as a drunken man came outside yelling obscenities in her direction. Under her left eye was a large purple circle. He hit her. She was hiding behind trees as the drunken man, obviously her father, walked into the garden to find her._

_ I ducked down and moved towards the house. I watched the man make his way towards her tree. She didn't know he was so close. If she made any move, he'd catch her right away. I saw her tense to move and I quickly scan the area. Nothing but grass. Wait! A rock! I pick up the gray stone and throw it. It sails over the man's head and hits the wall of the house._

_ The man turned around and ran towards the house, but tripped over his own feet and fell to the ground, too inebriated to stand up. The girl spun around and saw me. I tried my best to go unnoticed, but she caught me. I just saw her say something and I could just make out what her lips were forming, "Thank you." I give a slight smile and continue walking home. That was the last time I saw her._

_What now?_ I look back up and notice she's still transfixed on me. I glance at my friends, who aren't paying me any attention. I flash her a smile, which makes her blush even more. _Uh oh,_ I think, _is she flirting with me?_ She gives a nice little smile back.

"Who are you looking at?" someone pulls me back into reality. It's Liam.

"What?" I ask.

"Who are you looking at?" he repeats.

"No one," I say. He gives me a suspicious look, but they continue their conversation. I fade in and out of listening to the conversation because I keep looking over at her. She's doing the same. Every time our eyes meet, we both look away, but then look back at each other. It's almost as if we're playing a game.

"So who's the cute blonde?" Damian asks when we get up from the lunch table.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, feigning stupidity.

"The one you're staring at," Damian says. "Who is she?"

"No clue what you're talking about," I lie.

"Come on. Tell me."

"Fine," I say. "She's some girl I saved a few years ago from her drunken father. She ran into her garden to escape from him and I distracted him by throwing a rock. She thanked me for it."

"Interesting," Damian says. "So why the sudden interest in her now?"

"I haven't seen her in years."

"Mm hmm."

"That's it," I say as an attempt to end the conversation.

"She's cute."

I roll my eyes at him. He just laughs. "I'm kidding," he says. "Relax." I do as he says and I relax. The rest of the day flies by and I walk home alone. I don't want to have to deal with the others. Damian will make up some excuse for me.

When I get home, I immediately know something is wrong. My mother isn't in the kitchen like she normally is. I go into the living room. Sure enough, she's sitting in front of the fireplace, which is not lit, and stares up at the silver trident hanging on the wall. That's how my father won the 65th Hunger Games. The people of District 4 sent him that.

"Hi," I say. My mother turns around and smiles at me.

"Finnick!" she gets up and runs over to me, hugging me. _Oh no_, my face drops, _this again?_ She hasn't called me Finnick since I was a child.

"Sterling," I correct her like I used to. "My name is Sterling Odair."

"Finnick?" she asks me as if to ask, "Where is Finnick?" She did this back when we had the psychiatrist who would explain everything to her. Now it's up to me.

"He's gone," I say. I feel a pain in my chest. _I hate you_, I think to myself. I embrace my mother and hold her, but look up to the sky thinking, _why'd you leave me with her alone? I hate you._

"Finnick's gone?" she asks me.

"For fourteen years," I say. The pain deepens because I know what follows.

Teardrops turn into rivers. The silent stream flows from my mother's green eyes, making them shimmer in a reddish tint. "I want Finnick back," she repeats over and over. _She wants you_, I say to him. _Please make it better._ Nothing. The best I can do is continue to shush her and tell her everything will be alright, even though I don't know it for sure.

When she stops murmuring hours later, all she does is tremble slightly. I help her up the stairs and into her bed. I make her some hot tea and leave it on the nightstand within arm's reach. "Goodnight," I tell her, kissing her forehead.

"Goodnight Finnick," she responds. "I love you." I exhale out loud and leave the room, shutting it quickly but quietly. I look up one last time and say aloud, "This is your fault." All that answers me is the taunting rhythm of cicadas and the slight breeze whistling.


	3. The First Sign

My mother continuously gets better over the course of the next few weeks. I see more and more of the blonde girl, and Juliana grows more and more concerned for me. Then, one night, my mother cracks again. I can't do anything to help her this time, so I call the doctor. He arrives and takes her to the hospital. I know she won't be home for a while.

The first sign of trouble, though, comes when there's a small riot in a village up the coast a bit. The Republic quickly takes control of the situation, but news spreads like wildfire. Everywhere I go, I hear of the riot and how the Republic is restricting our free speech laws. I think it's ludicrous because the people rioting are Capitol-obsessed freaks, but I don't say anything. The only people I can really talk to about it are Damian and Juliana. I guess Liam too.

"Do these people not realize the liberty they have under the Republic?" I ask my table rhetorically at lunch one day. We're debating politics, which is something we usually stray away from. However, there's been so much talk about the riot and such that it's normal for students to bring it up now.

"Obviously not," Damian agrees with me.

"Well I don't know," Liam says. "The Republic restricts a lot and censor a lot."

"Those laws will be lifted once they can trust everyone," I counter.

"Well why don't they give us a chance to trust them?" he asks me. He has a point, but he's still wrong.

"Because the Capitol still has too much power," I say. I have a good point now.

"What was so bad with the Capitol?" Liam asks.

"The Hunger Games," I respond. He realizes his mistake in saying that. He knows very well both my parents went into those games. He knows that my mother never came out the same and my father died because he fought the creators of the Games.

"I didn't mean it like that," he tries to explain, but I hold up my hand to silence him.

"The Capitol murdered my father. I'm not going to let anyone take the pride I have for the Republic away because my father helped build it. Now I have to suffer because my father was a martyr and my mother cannot think for herself." _Am I divulging too much? _"These riots tarnish his reputation. I love the Republic because it's all my father left for me." I return to eating. The rest of the meal consists of silence from our table. Even Juliana shuts up.

After lunch, I move on to my next class, Maritime Science. As I walk in the hallway, I realize I forgot one of my notebooks. I turn around to go back to my locker, but I accidentally knock into someone. Both of our books spill all over the ground. I pick up a light blue notebook and move to hand it to the person.

It's her. The blonde girl with the blue eyes. "I'm sorry," I say.

"It's okay," she says. She picks up one of my books and hands it to me.

"I'm Sterling," I introduce myself as we stand up. "Sterling Odair." I stick out a hand for her to take.

She takes it and introduces herself, "Mallory Azure."

"Nice to meet you," I say. _Smooth,_ I think sarcastically to myself. "Thanks for the help."

"No," she says. "Thank you." Her face is beginning to flush and I know that she isn't referring to her books when she thanks me now. I walk away, unsure of how to feel.

"We must stand with one another," President Paylor's voice announces to a large crowd in District 3. The speech plays on my television. "Do not let the Capitol continue to oppress us even when the Republic reigns."

_She's right._ I know that there have been problems lately in Districts 1 and 2. Uprisings of sorts. The Republic can handle most of it, but one strong coup could land us back into war.

That exact thing happens just two nights later. A bomb falls from a hovercraft marked with a "2" on it and buries itself in the ground of a small village in District 4. Milliseconds later the bomb explodes. Six people die from this bomb. More hovercrafts appear, dropping a total of six more bombs. In the end, twenty-three people lay dead. Forty-one are wounded.

District 4 has a problem. There's a schism and the Capitol lovers manage to storm the Justice Building. They hang Governor Rineseam and then place the leader of the coup, Cassius Nebula, in charge.

It is then that I realize that we must leave District 4. The Republic will be the safest place in Panem right now. I grab as much stuff as I can as the Capitol lovers take to the streets. My mother is in good enough shape. We always had an escape plan that involved taking a boat.

It's scary to go outside while Nebula's followers are out and about, but we must. Other families have similar plans to ours, so we figure that we can work together. I see Juliana and her family moving with Damian and his family. We quickly meet up with them under the veil of darkness.

"Where's Liam?" I ask Juliana. She shrugs and we continue towards the docks. We make our way onto the boats and head off. That's when I hear shouting. I turn around quickly to see several of Nebula's troops pointing at us. One of them is holding some weapon. The next thing I know, they fire a rocket-like thing at us. There are six boats leaving. One of them is hit and blows to pieces. All the passengers must be dead.

I look at my mother in distress, who seems to be handling herself well. She speeds up our boat. Then I see Juliana's boat and realize that her family's boat is much older than others and can't go as fast. "Slow down!" I yell over the engines to my mom. "We have to help Juliana!"

My mom nods and does so without arguing. A second rocket hits a boat just two to our right. It goes up in flames and sinks. Again, no survivors. I turn around again and watch the soldier loading in a third rocket. We are now parallel with Juliana's boat.

"Get on board!" I yell to them. Juliana and her family rush to the side where I am. I help Juliana's eight-year-old brother, Sebastian, across first. Then I reach over and take Juliana's arm. Luckily, I'm strong, so I can pull her easily. As she is halfway between our boat and her family's boat, the third rocket launches.

Juliana's boat doesn't stand a chance. The rocket hits on the opposite side from where I am and blows a gaping hole that water rushes into. Fires spread quickly. The explosion kills Juliana's father and mother. Her grandmother, who has trouble swimming, begins to sink below. I tug Juliana on board and then turn around to see her grandmother fall completely below the surface. There's nothing I can do.

My mother speeds up the boat. Tears swell up in Juliana's eyes. "They're gone," she says. "Just like that." More rockets fire at us. It appears reinforcements have arrived, but we're already too far out of range. Damian's boat flies in front of us at a high velocity. We're catching up quickly though.

"It's okay," I pull her close in a hug. "It sucks. I know. But it'll be alright." She cries and cries into my chest, but I don't let go. She is my friend. _No, she's my best friend_. I look at Sebastian to see if he's okay. He's dazed. He doesn't know what's going on. _Good, it's better that way._

"Sterling," a pleasant voice calling and a not-so-gentle nudge bring me to the real world. It's Juliana.

"Yeah?" I ask, tiredly waking.

"We're almost here," she says. _So it wasn't a dream._ Sure enough, we arrive at the Republic. It's a beautiful city, filled with large marble, steel, and glass buildings. The skyscrapers fill the skyline beautifully.

"Wow," is all I can say. The two other boats are slightly ahead of us as we pull into one of the many harbors.

"I am Plutarch Heavensbee," the man with the clipboard greets us. "I work as Director of Communications for President Paylor. It's nice to meet you all."

Plutarch helps everyone off the boats and then stops when he sees my mother. He gives her a big hug and exclaims, "Annie! Annie! How have you been? It's been years!"

My mother puts on a nice face, which I don't think she's faking, and answers him politely. He doesn't stop smiling. Then he sees me. The smile fades and his eyes widen. He says, "You must be Annie's son." I put out my hand for him to take, which he does reluctantly. _What's his problem?_

I help Juliana off the boat and then I lift Sebastian off. "I'm Sterling," I introduce myself to him after I put Sebastian down. "Sterling Odair."  
>"I knew your father," he says. <em>Oh, that's why.<em> "He was a good man. A very strong soldier and a fighter."

I look nervously at my mother, but she's paying us no attention. That's good. The less she hears, the more likely she'll stay normal. "You knew him well?" I ask.

"Very well," Plutarch says. "I was very sad when I heard what happened."  
>"I never met him," I say. "Although people tell me I'd meet him if I look in the mirror."<p>

"You look identical to him," Plutarch agrees. I sigh internally. _Looks can be deceiving._ I get it. My father was a hero and such, but he abandoned my mother in order to fight. My mother was in no shape to be left alone and his death caused her to spiral back into a depression she hadn't fought with in years.

"So I've heard," I respond. "How did he die? My mother doesn't like discussing it and I've never been told."  
>"I don't think now is the right time," Plutarch says. He obviously feels uncomfortable. I understand though.<p>

"That's okay," I say. "I've waited fourteen years. I can wait a little longer."

Plutarch gives me a polite smile and then walks to the front of the crowd. He directs us towards a large white building made beautifully out of marble. Everything seems perfect and in order. Even the columns have no scratches in them. "This is the Presidential Mansion," Plutarch explains. "President Paylor runs almost everything she can from here."

"It's beautiful," one of us District 4 refugees says. We all murmur in agreement. Plutarch looks very pleased with the Republic's handiwork.

"After the Republic Revolution," he explains, "we didn't want to have to deal with troubles with money when it came to building an entirely new city. Because the Capitol was such a mess, we decided to put everyone to work so we could reconstruct what was destroyed and renovate a little bit. President Snow's mansion, which is what this used to be, was kept the same on the outside, but the insides were redone to suit the Republic. Now this is where the president lives. After the first few years, we put the five-year rule into effect. Now we vote every five years, as you all should know. President Paylor hasn't lost an election yet."

_Does she rig it?_ No. She built a government that prides itself on avoiding corruption. _But why doesn't she ever lose?_ She's likable. Well, I like her anyway. _Who runs against her?_ I know they do elections every five years, the nearest one at the end of this year, but I don't think I've ever heard of her having opponents. I don't think anyone in their right mind would have the guts to challenge her. _But nowadays…_

"Does she have any competition this year?" I find myself asking the question before I can think it through.

"There are always opponents in an election," Plutarch says. "President Paylor, though, has not lost to one yet. I don't think she will anytime soon."

"Who is her opponent?" I ask another question before I think through what exactly I'm getting at.

"A man from District 2 named Horatio Jasper," Plutarch says. "He was the Governor of District 2 from the beginning of the Republic until three years ago. Now he is a military general."

I nod and continue to walk up the steps, falling towards the back of the pack. "Why all the questions?" Juliana asks me.

"Just wondering," I say truthfully. I am just wondering.

"Okay," she says. "Just be careful. I don't think he appreciates you being so nosy about his boss."

"He knew my father," I say. "He praised my father."

"What's wrong with that?" Juliana asks.

"My father abandoned my mother to fight for the Republic," I say. "He was selfish." I don't mean what I say. But I can't help it. _How can I call him selfish? He fought for the freedom of his people._ But he left my unstable mother, who he loved, to fend for herself because he got himself killed. Now I hate him for it.

President Paylor comes and greets us herself. She seems nice. Her election is in a week or so from what I understand. She doesn't seem nervous at first, but the second one of the refugees says "elect" she immediately looks at him and a worried look appears. _Is she not going to win?_


	4. Changing

The next few days carry on. The night of the election, I watch the television as votes are counted. Each district is given a different amount of points based on votes. The points are then split up to the two candidates with the person with more votes getting more points. Because of all the troubles in Districts 1, 2, and 4, we were unsure if they'd be able to elect anyone. However, those fears were put aside because the rebels allow the people to vote because they find it funny that we think this is helpful, as one of the rebel leader states on television.

District 1, as always, pours in their votes first. They were given 75 points this year. Paylor received 36 and Jasper received 39. District 2 comes in next. They were given 100 points. Paylor receives 32 and Jasper receives 68. District 3. 55 points. 31 to Paylor and 24 to Jasper.

District 4. I hold my breath. I want Paylor to win because she seems nice but I'm also interested in seeing how another president would fare. Sure enough, of our 70 points, Paylor only receives 18. 52 of our points, which seem to be a lot, go to Jasper.

The remaining districts split up their points. The larger districts seem to support Jasper while the smaller ones root for Paylor. Of the 670 points, Paylor receives 288 points. Jasper wins with 382 points.

I am shocked.

I shut off the television and go to the room next door, where Juliana is staying. I think I need to talk to someone about this. "Juliana!" I call.

"Yeah?" she calls back. She's in the bedroom down the hall a bit. I go inside.

"Did you see the results?" I ask.

"No," she says, "did you?"

"Paylor lost," I say. Her mouth drops open.

"Lost?" she's shocked by the results. "How is that possible? Who is this Horatio Jasper anyway?"

"Military general," I say. "Must be popular. Paylor has had fourteen years to eliminate rebels and the exact opposite of what we want has happened. Maybe Jasper can do better."

"I hope so," Juliana says. "For District 4's sake."

"I do to," I say.

"Sterling," her change in tone grabs my attention.

"Yeah?" I ask. She's giving me a look I don't quite remember ever getting from her. Her chocolate-colored eyes blink twice as her head drops down a tiny bit, causing her eyes to look up at me. To bring myself out of this mesmerizing stupor, I ask, "What is it?"

She doesn't respond with words. Instead, she leans forward and kisses me. I've kissed plenty of girls before, but this is something different. This is unexpected and interestingly pleasant. I don't know how to feel about sharing this kiss with Juliana though.

Then the ecstasy of the situation leaves as we lay down on the bed and she deepens the kiss. I pull out. "We're friends," I say. She rolls her eyes and crawls on top of me.

"I know," she says. "Don't worry. What are friends for?"

She goes to kiss me again, but I say, "How long have you wanted to do this?"

"Since you ranted to Liam," she says. "But I've always been interested in you. You're not that bad looking." She tops off the joke with a little grin. She's won over me because I kiss her back.

The next day, Plutarch comes into our rooms and tells us that the situation and District 4 has been handled well and we can return. The Republic sent in troops last night to obliterate the rebellious forces. I don't know about anyone else, but I'm happy. My mother smiles and I can tell this isn't her nebulous smile, but her actual one. Good.

As I get dressed to leave, there's a knock at my door. "Come in!" I call. Damian enters my room. He sits on the edge of my bed.

"Do you think things will change?" he asks. I know he's talking about Jasper's election, but I don't know the answer.

"No clue," I say. I pull on a black shirt and a pair of white shorts. I try to fix my hair, but end up keeping it mostly tousled. I think it's sexy.

"I hope so," Damian says. I stop what I'm doing and look at him. He goes on to explain, "It's been fourteen years and things are still in the planning stage. Jasper is a military man and was the governor of a rebellious district, he knows what he's doing." Damian has a great point. Maybe Horatio Jasper is what we need.

"You may be right," I say to him. His look changes from a perplexed one deep in thought to one of satisfaction. I pick up my bag and we move downstairs. "You okay?" I ask Damian. He thinks for a moment and nods.

"You're mom already downstairs?" Damian asks.

"She went downstairs to talk to Paylor and Heavensbee an hour ago," I say.

As we get to the elevator, Juliana calls, "Hold it!" I hit the open button as she runs from her room to the elevator. She thanks me with a kiss, which floors Damian.

"What was that?" he asks. I just shrug and Juliana laughs.

"Afraid that Liam will be upset?" she asks Damian. She obviously can tell Liam is obsessed with her.

"Just a bit," he says.


	5. The Secret Kiss

When we return to District 4, it is as if nothing ever happened. Sure, everyone feels the aftershocks of the rebellion because of the new scarcity of supplies, but no one ever discussed it. It is a taboo.

I leave my house one morning late for school. My mother cried and screamed all through the night and when I wake up, despite the fact that I've gotten no sleep because of her, I have to help her. When I finish, I silently curse my father again and then pick up my bags and leave for school.

It's while walking I realize that I'm not alone. I hear footsteps behind me but don't react. Whoever it is, they'll show him or herself soon enough. And I'm right. Mallory Azure picks up her pace and walks by me, also late for school.

"Mallory!" I call out to her. She doesn't turn around. "Mallory!" Still she refuses to turn around. I run up next to her, put my hand on her shoulder, and say softly, "Mallory." She turns around. A large purple ring surrounds her left eye. She's obviously tried to touch it up with makeup, but fails to really get rid of it. "What happened?" I ask.

"Leave me alone," she says and she keeps moving. _It was her father_.

"Mallory, wait up." She turns.

"What do you want?" she asks.

"I want to talk to you."

"I don't think we should," she says, turning away.

"I sometimes do things I shouldn't." I cross in front of her.

"What?" she asks. She looks worried.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I say jokingly. She lets out a small chuckle. "Remember? I want to help you."

"I remember," she says. "My father was never worse than that one day."

"Then let me help you."

"And do what?" she asks. "Take me into your home? I don't think that would go over well."

"If I can't be there for you literally, let me be a shoulder for you. You can't go after the world alone."

"I'm not going after the world!" she exclaims. "I'm escaping my drunken father! There's a difference."

"Difference or not, I want to help you."

"Why?"

"Because I feel as if I have to," I say.

"Give me a good reason," she presses. We have stopped walking and stand in the middle of a dirt road alone. _When did we get here?_

"Because I think I love you," I let it slip. _Is that even true?_ She just looks away.

"Damn it," she says. "I don't even know you!"

"I know," I say. _What about Juliana? Do I forget about her?_

"Then why?"

"Because I felt I had to protect you that night. Now whenever I see you I remember that and think that it's my duty to watch over you."

"That's not love!" she yells.

"Then what is it?"

"I have no clue, but I know it's not love."

"Fine," I say. I begin to walk away. _That was embarrassing._ She tugs at my arm and spins me around.

"I wasn't finished," she says.

"Then tell me what you wanted to say," I tell her. She moves her hand from my arm to my cheek and strokes it softly. Then she goes up on the tips of her toes and kisses me. "What's that for?" I ask.

"To see what it's like," she says. "But don't you have a girlfriend?" She knows about Juliana.

"Yes," I admit. _Is Juliana actually my girlfriend?_ "But I don't know how-"

"Shh," she presses her finger to my lips. "I don't care. You stay with her and we'll act like this never happened."

"Well I don't know if-"

"Shh," she says. "Stay with her. Trust me."

Mallory Azure walks down the dirt road and leaves me floored. _Why did I tell her I love her? _I know I don't.

"What's wrong?" Juliana asks me after making out intensely for a good twenty minutes. I sit forward on my bed and she comes up behind me, massaging my shoulders.

"Nothing," I lie. I turn around and lean over her and kiss her again.

"Tell me," she sees through my lies.

"There's this girl that-" The look on her face stops me. _Shit_, I yell in my head, _bad way to start this._ "I don't like her or anything! She's younger than us!"  
>"How much younger?" Juliana asks.<p>

"She's thirteen," I say.

"That's not much," her only comment is.

"I saved this girl from her drunken father when she was very young and I saw her with a bruise under her eye the other day and felt like I needed to do something. Do you get what I mean?"

"She's not your duty," Juliana tells me.

"Don't tell me you're jealous," I say.

"Is that the blonde you exchange odd looks with during lunch?" she asks. I nod. "Yeah. No need to be jealous."

"That's shallow," I say.

She just laughs. "I'm kidding! But seriously, Sterling, I really like you and don't want to leave you. Wait, no. I don't like you. I love you."

She drops the l-bomb like it's nothing. _Is this how Mallory took it?_ But Mallory kissed me. I still haven't told anyone about that.

"You love me?" I ask stupidly.

"Yes," she sees. She bats one of her chocolate brown eyes at me.

I smile and we turn over. _Kiss her,_ I think to myself, _it doesn't answer the question but it doesn't leave her with questions._ Sure enough, I kiss her and she says no more.

_What am I going to do?_


	6. The Visitor

President Jasper. It's odd saying that name. President Jasper. He's sworn into office a little less than a month later. I haven't talked to Mallory since that day even though I exchange glances with her. I don't think Juliana suspects a thing anymore. Lastly, there's my mother. She's the same, but slightly better. She doesn't call me Finnick but she does get massive migraines. I guess she'll never be fully cured.

One weekend morning I am sitting in the living room on the couch watching the news coverage of President Jasper's inauguration. He's an interesting looking man. He has reddish brown hair with grayish roots and rustic brown eyes. He looks more like a forty-something-year-old model than a politician, but he's supposedly good at what he does. Hence why he won. While deep in thought, the doorbell rings. I know my mother is too out of it to answer it, so I do.

"Are you Sterling Odair?" the woman asks me. She looks like she's just a few years younger than my mother, maybe thirty. She has wavy brown hair and dark stormy gray eyes. I know the face.

"Yes," I say suspiciously. "Who are you?"

"An old friend of your father's," she says. _My father?_

"He's dead," I inform her. "He's been dead for a long time."

She grins at me and says, "I know he is. It's funny, when you answered the door, I could have sworn he was back from the grave."

"I get that a lot," I say.

"I was there," she says. I give her a quizzical look. She catches onto the look and clarifies, "I was there when he died. I saw it happen."

"You did?" I'm absolutely shocked. "What happened to him?"

"I'm not sure if I have the right to tell you," she says.

"My mother will go back into hysterical fits if he's brought up again," I explain, "so I don't think I'll ever find out from her."

"I understand," she says. "My mother was the same way when my father died." She looks over my shoulder. "May I come in?"

Okay, I know it's dangerous to let in a stranger, but she knew my father and knows more about him than my mother is willing to share. Besides, I'm a good head taller than her and my arms are just as thick as, if not thicker than, her neck.

"Sure," I say, moving aside to let her through. She looks around the foyer and moves to the living room.

"You have a very nice house," she says. It's true. Not that I had anything to do with it.

"It's home," I say. She smirks and sits down on the couch. _Make yourself at home._ I sit down next to her and ask again, "Who are you?"

"My name is Katniss," she says. Now I know why I recognize her. Her face is the face of the Republic. She brought down Snow and Coin. She's the hero of the Republic Revolution!

"Nice to meet you," I say. I put out my hand and she shakes it. "You probably don't make house calls that often?"

She chuckles and says, "No, I can't say I do. It's very odd being here. Not you or your mother, of course, just being with Finnick's family. I don't think I've really seen your mother since she left for District 4 after you were born. You have your father's face."

"My mother says I got all that was good from him," I say.

"That's a lot," Katniss says. "He was a great man. One of my closest friends."

"I'm sorry for your loss," I say. A smile creeps across her face. She gives me a slight nod of approval.

"Shouldn't I say I'm sorry for yours?" she asks.

"No. He left my mother and I behind. I never knew him."

"He didn't leave you two behind," Katniss tells me. "He wanted to return. He loved your mother and would have loved you."

"I understand that he wanted to get rid of President Snow," I say. "I get it. I just don't get why he would leave my mother in such terrible shape. She used to call me Finnick. Did you know that? No. You wouldn't know She would cry for hours when I'd say 'Mom, I'm Sterling. Finnick is dead.' I felt sorry for her. No, I still feel sorry for her."

"My father died when I was very young," she says. "My sister died at the hands of President Coin. My stylist, the one who made me into the Mockingjay, was murdered by Snow. I lost my best friend because I chose my husband and he left without a word. I understand why you're upset. I think your father's death was what drove me to fight harder. I miss him everyday. He was a great person to talk to. He was someone I could tell everything to. He understood my pain because he also experienced it. Sterling, forgive your father. He never meant any harm."

"No," I say. "Not yet. Maybe someday."

"Hopefully soon," she says.

"Why are you here?" I ask, desperate to change the subject.

"To see your mother," she says. "I need to talk to her about the election."

"Jasper?" I ask.

"Yes."

"She wouldn't know. She's been on bedrest for weeks. I know more about him than she does."

"Well she should know that we dug up something on him. It's urgent and it involves her."

"Tell me," I say. She shakes her head. "Katniss, my mother is fragile. If you tell her whatever it is the wrong way, she will not recover. I know my mother. I know how to break bad news to her."

"Fine," she says. She swallows and thinks for a moment and then says, "President Jasper is not who Panem thinks he is. I discovered this with the help of Plutarch and Paylor after she lost the election. Jasper was one of Snow's soldiers. He fought against us in District 2. Jasper defected to our side once District 2 was nearly cracked. Tell your mother that he may have plans for the Victors."

"From the Hunger Games?" I ask, knowing the answer.

"Yes," she says. I sense the urgency in her voice. She doesn't trust President Jasper. He seems nice on television. He also seems like he wants to make changes.

"I'll tell her," I say, knowing very well that I can't bring myself to do it. Katniss stands up and walks to the door. I see her out. Before she leaves, she turns to me.

"Sterling," she says, "just remember your father cared for your mother. He always has."

I shut the door slowly, without a response. Her words resonate in my mind. _"Sterling, forgive your father. He never meant any harm."_


	7. A Dirty Secret

Katniss is right. Changes do come about under President Jasper. He immediately puts everyone to work using a new plan he calls the Collective Plan, which will promote more equality. The news anchors say it's a barbaric idea because it "eliminates competition," but Jasper says this is a "temporary measure to ensure progress industrially."

Whatever.

We lose a lot of money from this because he wants to give more to the poor. We keep our house, but mother has to work and I know this is killing her. I manage to lobby Damian into convincing his father to giving my mother a job at his fishing supplies store. Damian's father doesn't protest this, but I know he'd rather not have to give her a job because she's not capable of handling any form of stress.

One day after school, I walk home alone and I encounter none other than Mallory Azure. She's by herself, walking with her head down. "Hi," I say, walking up next to her. She doesn't lift her head.

"Hi," she says.

"What's up?" I ask. I'm desperate to bridge the tension and create a conversation.

"Nothing," she answers. She obviously does not want to talk. In fact, she speeds up a bit.

I speed up too. My legs are much longer than hers. Her electric blue eyes glance up at me. Then back down. "Stop running away," I say. She stops and stares me in the eyes. Her gaze melts me and makes me feel terrible for all I've done to her. "I'm sorry." It's all I can say.

"For what?" she asks. She knows the answer, I can tell. She just wants to hear it.

"I'm sorry for kissing you," I say. "I'm sorry for telling you that I love you. I don't. That was impulsive for me to say and I apologize."

She grins a little bit, but tries to hide it. Her face flushes red as she tries to keep her anger exposed. But little rays of humor peek through. I smile and say, "You aren't very good at holding grudges, are you?"

"No," she laughs. "Not very."

"Good," I say. "I don't want you too." She gives me a questioning look, but then softens it a bit. "What?" I ask.

"You're ridiculous," she says. "I hardly even know you."

"Sterling Odair," I put out my hand. She laughs out loud. It catches me off guard because I've never seen her like this. I follow up with a quick joke, "Or have we met before?"

She takes my hand and sarcastically replies, "No, I can't say we have. Mallory Azure."

"The pleasure is mine." I kiss her hand. She blushes again.

"You're good," she says with a tone that hints suspicion.

"What?"

"You're good."

"I'm charming," I say. "Is that an issue?"

"No," she says, softening her inflection. She starts walking again. "You just know how to get what you want."

"Is that a crime?" I ask. I start to follow her.

"No," she says. "It's just…interesting."

"I'm a very interesting guy," I say. She laughs. "Seriously. I'm kind and gentle. I don't drink or smoke." With every sentence, she slows down and laughs more. "I would never dishonor a true lady." She stops. "Was that too much?" I ask.

"A bit," she says jokingly and continues walking.

"And I always get what I want," I say. I grab her arm and pull her to me.

"I thought you were sorry about this," she says. She's not angry or surprised, just concerned.

"I was," I admit. "But not that much anymore."

"And your girlfriend?" she asks.

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," I say.

"You have to work on a good answer for that question," Mallory jokes. I laugh and then kiss her. The kiss deepens and quickens in pace. _You're in public, Sterling!_ The thought brings me to reality. I pull back.

"This should be a bit more private," I say. Mallory nods and we try to get my house quickly so that our hormones don't lose any rage. When I shut the door behind us, I say, "Much better." Then her lips attack me again. We manage to work our way to my room and we lay down on my bed, kissing intensely.

She stops for a moment. "This is as far as I go," she warns. I get it, she's still thirteen and I'm only fourteen.

"Who'd want to go any further?" I ask. She just laughs and then leans back in for more kissing. _What about Juliana?_ That's the only thought that goes through my head. I try to ignore that nagging voice in the back of my mind called a conscience. Who needs that when you have two girls who simply adore you?

Then it occurs to me. I've heard the rumors and I've listened to the stories. People, mostly adults, think I'd never know, but I do. I know all about my father's history with the women of the Capitol. I know about what he's done. Sure, it was not his idea, but he went through with it. What I'm doing now just makes me feel like a hypocrite. Sure, I've been trying to forgive my father, but this is one thing that I promised myself I'd never become.

_I am my father._


	8. Warnings By Night

"You didn't think I wouldn't find out." The words cut through me. No one was ever supposed to find out. Mallory and I are a secret. We have been for a few weeks now. Or so I thought. _What can I say?_

"I didn't think anyone would," my excuse is pathetic. A devilish glint and a shrug is all the response I get. "What do you expect? An apology? My conscience may not be happy, but I am."

Damian gives an evil chuckle. He looks me in the eyes and says, "And what about Juliana?"

_What about Juliana?_ I have asked myself this question countless times. What about her? What can I say? What can I do? I know. I have hoped and prayed that she'd never find out. Damian wouldn't tell her, would he?

"Well?" he asks again. It draws me back to the conversation. I shake my head. He sighs, "Sterling, if she finds out, you're dead. You have to end this thing with that blonde girl."

"Mallory," I say. "Her name is Mallory."

"I don't care what her name is," Damian says. "This isn't right and you know it."

"How did you even find out?" I ask.

"You can't just make out in the middle of a street and expect no one to see," Damian says. I was right; kissing publicly was a bad idea. "You two seemed really happy to get indoors though."

"Screw you," I say.

"End it," he says menacingly before walking away. I'm angry at first but then realize that he's right. _ I am wrong._

That night, my doorbell rings. Mother still isn't in as good of shape as she was before so I go to answer it. I open it and President Paylor is standing there. I don't know what to call her. I guess she's Commander Paylor, like she was before she became president. "Come in," I say. She does so.

"Sterling," she says, "how have you been?"

"Good," I answer. "And you?"

"Could be better," she says as she sits down on my living room couch. _You just lost an election. No duh things could be better._

"What brings you to District 4?" I ask.

"How's your mother doing?" she asks. _Is she avoiding my question?_

"She could be better too," I say. "I'm used to it though. I just wish Jasper didn't make those cuts so we could have room to breathe. Now she has to work." I realize afterwards that I shouldn't have mentioned Horatio Jasper.

But her expression doesn't show anger, but concern. "Jasper is doing his job," she says. "I'm here to talk to your mother about some policies Jasper may reinstate."

Just like with Katniss, I give her the same excuse that I know how to tell my mother. I don't plan on saying anything to her of course because I know that it'll hurt her more. But I don't tell anyone this. Paylor sighs and tells me, "Jasper did more than just fight for the Capitol. Rumor has it he played spy for them when he supposedly defected. The information he told us about the Capitol gained our trust, but he told them our plans before we could implement them, which was why we had so much trouble finally defeating Snow."

"Why don't you tell the press?" I ask. "They'd eat this story up."  
>"We have no official proof," she says. "Only stories and anonymous words."<br>"So how do you know it's true?"

"I know the people who told me these things were telling the truth," she says. "They just don't want to be known for telling the truth. Buying and selling in secrets is how many see success. That's how your father did it."  
>"He did more than just trade secrets," I say, dropping the small hint for her to back off. She looks away from me and I know that she has backed off. "Anything else?" I ask.<p>

"Just tell her that you two should arrange some kind of escape plan," she tells me. I'm absolutely surprised. _Escape plan?_ _That's ridiculous!_

"For what?" I ask suspiciously.

"In case Jasper crosses a line," she says. She looks at her watch and says, "I've got to go. It was nice to see you, Sterling." She walks to the door and I shut the door behind her. _"In case Jasper crosses a line."_ What line?

I'm hardly out of my haze of thoughts when the doorbell rings again. I answer it and before I can say a word, Mallory's lips are on mine and she's kicking the door shut. She backs me up to the couch before we fall on the couch.

"Whoa," I say between two kisses. "Slow down!" She has a wild look in her eyes. She is either hormonal or lonely. _Juliana._ The voice, my conscience, attacks me. It moves from the back of my mind to the front. "Mallory! Mallory, stop!" She does and looks at me. "This isn't right. Juliana-"

"Doesn't need to know," she interrupts me.

"No," I say. "Juliana deserves better than for me to cheat on her. I'm sorry, but I can't go through with this any longer."

Mallory looks away. Tears burn through her eyes and I know that I've wounded her pride. I pull her close to me and speak softly, "I'm sorry. This just wasn't smart."

"It's fine," she says. She pulls away from me, "I'm sorry."

I feel absolutely terrible. In the matter of two weeks we've gone around this roller coaster and now I'm pushing her off. "Why?' I ask.

"Because I got in the way," she admits.

"No," I say. "Don't be sorry. I pushed you towards it." She shakes her head and gets up. We go to the door and she opens it.

"Remember when you told me you loved me?" she asks, suddenly turning around.

"Yeah," I say.

"I know you didn't mean it," she said. "But I think I love you."

She shuts the door before I can respond. I don't bother opening it because I know she won't be there waiting for me. She'll be crying back to her house because of me. I look up at the sky and ask myself why. _Did you ever have to deal with this?_ Probably not.

"Are you even listening?" I ask my father. _Probably not._


	9. Jasper's Caution

"The Republic is in shambles," President Jasper announces to the public on a mandatory television program. "It is up to us, the people of Panem, to fix it. How do we do that? We eliminate rebels.

"We have successfully located a rebel leader from District 4 who escaped when President Paylor launched a counterattack to the coup. This man is named Cassius Nebula. Tonight, we will make him pay for all he's done to Panem."

I let out a gasp. Juliana has the same reaction. We sit together, huddled on the floor in front of my couch, watching the television intently. I recognize the man as he takes the stage, shackled. Two guards dressed in white lead him up onto the stage. His legs are placed in metal braces attached to the stage. He cannot move.

"Tonight," Jasper continues, "we eliminate rebels by intimidating them. We will do so by removing one of their own. I formally announce a new law that I have used my emergency powers to draft. As of right now, any rebellious movements will be punished by death. Cassius Nebula, you will be the first to experience this."

Nebula's mouth is gagged and he looks up at President Jasper in horror. I understand that Jasper wants to scare rebels into hiding or laying down their weapons, but this is brutal. Jasper signals off stage and a man in a black uniform and black mask that covers his face completely takes the stage. He raises a gun to Nebula's head. Nebula lets out a strangled cry as the man pulls the trigger.

Juliana screams. I know why Katniss and Paylor tried to warn me about Jasper. Now it's too late. There's a knock on my door. That's weird. _Why didn't they ring the bell?_ The knocking gets more impatient so I answer it. Sure enough, a man dressed in the same white as the guards from the Republic is standing there.

"Is this the Odair residence?" he asks. I nod. He pulls my arms behind my back and slaps shackles on me before I can respond. A second guard comes forward and removes me. _What is going on?_ I hear cries and then hear a loud thud as they try to arrest Juliana too. I watch as the guard pulls an unconscious Juliana out of my house. Then they take my mother. They march us to hovercrafts and we're off.

"What is going on?" I ask one of the guards. No answer. I repeat my question with more anger behind it. No answer. Finally I yell, "What the hell is going on?" He turns to me and hits me in the face with the butt of his rifle. My cheek screams in agony but I won't show weakness. I defy his attacks and turn to my mother, who is shaking in her seat. "Don't worry," I tell her. "Everything will be okay." I'm lying.

When we land, I look out the window. We're in the Republic. President Jasper has come to greet us. The guards march us out of the hovercraft and over to him. "You must be Sterling Odair," President Jasper greets me. He's very tall, much taller than I expected. His brown eyes glint with hints of red. _He's evil. _I keep telling myself that. But his smile seems so genuine.

"Yes," I manage to say. "Why are we here?"

"Because I have to talk to your mother," he tells me. "But I can't because she's emotionally incapable. That's where you come in, Sterling."

"What do you need to tell me?" I ask.

"We're reinstating some old measures," he says. "And repealing others."

"What does that entail?" I ask.

"Come with me," he gestures towards the Presidential Mansion and we go inside. As we move to his office, the guards take my mother and Juliana away. "No need for them to hear this," he offers as an excuse. I'd love to kill him with my bare hands, but they're shackled behind my back.

"Sit down," he orders me. I sit in the beautifully polished wooden chair that sits before his dark mahogany desk. The scent of the wood fills my nose. It's a very strong scent. "You must be wondering what laws I plan on repealing and reinstating." I nod. "Well let me cut to the chase. The Capitol was weakening itself and I knew that even though the Districts were rebellious and were not strong enough to form what they saw fit, the Capitol was weaker. That's why I defected. However, I did not anticipate that President Paylor could hold the Republic together for fourteen years without rebellion. I had to change that."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

He smiles. "What do you know about Cassius Nebula?"

"He's dead."

"That's all?"

"Yes," I admit.

"Cassius Nebula used to be a good friend of mine," Jasper says. "I told him there'd be great riches for him if he staged this coup in District 4. He believed me. How else could I gain the trust of Panem?"

"You staged the rebellion?" I ask.

"I created it," Jasper says. "I am the Capitol-loving freak you probably want to squeeze the life out of. Unfortunately, you're all tied up and I have too much power now. One of the loopholes in the Panem Constitution is that emergency powers can be granted during times of rebellion. This is a time of rebellion because tonight will mark the night when President Paylor commits treason and leads me to believe that there are more rebels in the Republic. I will overthrow the Legislature in the matter of one hour. I brought you here because of your mother."

"Why?" I ask.

"Because she won," Jasper says. "Annie Cresta won the 70th Hunger Games."

"So?" I'm getting too curious because an evil smirk wipes over Jasper's face. He doesn't respond, but holds up a finger, wagging it as if I did something wrong.

"I won the Hunger Games once," Jasper says. "The 56th Hunger Games. I was fifteen at the time. I loved the Hunger Games. In fact, I volunteered for them. I was a quiet victor though. I remained low on the radar because there were others who loved mentoring so I always let them do it. Besides, District 2 had too many victors as it was."

"What are you getting at?" I ask him. The suspicion in my voice can no longer hide and the smile just grows on his face.

"Sterling Odair," he says, "you will be the first to know this. I am reinstating the Hunger Games."

_Oh no._


	10. Plans and Friends

I can't tell mother. I act like Jasper was suspicious of rebellions in District 4. I say he arrested us just as a formality. He arrested us to intimidate rebels, just in case. The announcement about the Games should come out any day. In fright, I call up the one person I thought I'd never have to speak to again.

"Hello?" she answers the phone.

"Katniss?" I ask. "It's Sterling."

"What's wrong?" she senses the urgency in my voice.

"We need to talk," I say. I know she lives far. She lives in the new District 12. They rebuilt it after all these years. It's far but she can catch the hint. The hovercraft arrives two hours later. She steps off with a strong-looking blonde.

"I'm Peeta," he introduces himself. I know him too. Katniss's husband. "Nice to meet you."

"Sterling Odair," I say. "Finnick's son." He nods and enters the house. Katniss follows him inside.

"What's wrong?" Katniss asks.

"Jasper arrested my mother and I last night," I say. "We were brought back here after I talked to Jasper. He told me to talk to my mother, but I didn't. I can't bring myself to tell her."  
>"Tell her what?" Peeta asks.<p>

"Jasper is reinstating the Hunger Games," I tell them. The looks on their faces drop. They know very well what this means.

"I thought it was a rumor," Katniss hisses to Peeta. He shushes her and she turns to me. "What did he say?"

"He's using his emergency powers to take over the Legislature," I say. "That's why President Paylor was arrested last night. He's using her as proof of rebellion against the Republic."

"What Republic?" Peeta asks. "We're dealing with the Capitol again. There's been an outcry for the Games using children of rebellious families. Supporters of the Republic want blood. Now Jasper will give it to them only he's reversing it. He's giving the Capitol a show. This will end in war."

"That's what he wants," Katniss says. "An excuse to put the Capitol back together. I knew it! Sterling, what did your mother say?"

"About what?" I ask.

"What I told you," she says.

"I didn't tell her," I admit. "Her mind is too fragile and she got worse. There's no way I could have told her. I'm sorry."  
>"Maybe it's better you didn't," she reassures me. "We need to talk to some of the others."<p>

"What others?" I ask.

"Have you ever met your father's best friend?" Peeta asks.

"Who's that?"

"Johanna Mason," Peeta says.

Johanna Mason turns out to be a small, easily angered woman of about forty. She wears a snarling scowl that makes me feel uncomfortable. _Why was she your best friend?_ Maybe she was a bright and happy person at one point. I've heard of Johanna Mason before. She won the Hunger Games once and the Capitol arrested her during the Revolution.

The moment she lays her eyes on me her expression changes to worry. Her eyes dart to Peeta and Katniss and shoot them menacing glares. "You should have warned me," she says. The two of them called her and told her to come to Annie's immediately. They used some code word that I guess means "ABSOLUTE EMERGENCY!"

"Warned you of what?" I ask.

Her head whirls around to face me. "That I'm dealing with Finnick junior," she says harshly.

"I may look like him," I start to defend myself, "but I'm nothing like-" I cut myself off. I remember what Katniss said to me about him.

"Nothing like him?" Johanna asks as if to finish the sentence. "No. No one is that good."  
><em>How do you know?<em> I don't bother asking. I let the subject drop. "Johanna," Peeta cuts in, "Jasper is recreating the Hunger Games." Her eyes widen and she starts to tremble. _She's screwed up too!_ "We need to stop it."

"What?" she's caught off guard and is showing it. "I spent years fighting those Capitol bastards! Why bring it back? Why?" She's hysterical. Almost on cue, she breaks down into Peeta's arms. I'm flabbergasted. She turns to me and snarls, "What are you looking at?"

I lose it, "What am _I_ looking at? I'm looking at a woman who is _supposed_ to be a war hero! Instead she cowers at the mention of something that has taken the lives of both my parents and has left people scarred!"

"You forget that I am one of those people," she says.

"So are they," I point to Peeta and Katniss. "And they're handling this like they should."

Johanna pulls out of Peeta's arms and walks to me. I'm bracing myself for a slap in the face but she kisses me on the cheek. I feel the moistness of her tears on her lips as they slip onto my face. She smiles sweetly and says, "That's more like Finnick."

"So why is she here?" I ask Peeta and/or Katniss.

"Because we need to counter the Hunger Games," Katniss says. "And fast."  
>"We can roll with the punches," Peeta says. Katniss gives him an odd look. "If we act out now, Jasper will just silence us with bullets. If we act out after people have seen the monstrosities that have occurred under his rule, then we'll have more power." He's right.<p>

"So what do we do?" I ask.

"We wait," he says.

"For what?"

Peeta's blue eyes darken and his face drops a bit. "The Hunger Games."


	11. Taking The Stage

The call two nights later tells me all I need to know. "Hello?" I answer the phone.

"It's Katniss," she says. "They're executing Paylor tonight." I nearly drop the phone. _Jasper is finished. I cannot let him do this._ "Sterling? Are you there?"  
>"Yes," I say. "Jasper is doing it publicly?"<p>

"No," Katniss says. "That'll create a martyr. The public thinks she's just under interrogation for treasonous acts. She called me as her last request. She told me everything. Jasper is going to make these Games huge. He's been planting the seed for them for years in District 2 and in the military. Now it's like a dream come true for him."

"Can we escape?" I ask. I know the answer, but it's worth asking.

"No," she says. "Then he'd arrest anyone that has ever had anything to do with us. All we can do is sit back and hope that no one we know gets picked."

"You forget I'm eligible," I say. Silence.

"Sterling," her tone is soft but demands attention, "I know. I can't say that everything will be alright, but I can tell you that Jasper will pay for everything."

The following evening, the televisions flicker on and Jasper takes the stage for a mandatory announcement viewing. "Citizens of Panem," he begins, "for years now I have heard you cry out in hunger and shame. I have heard your cries of agony because in the past fourteen years, we have backtracked. No matter! I am officially announcing that tonight marks the renewal of an event that shows the strength of Panem. Citizens, I proclaim the First Annual Hunger Games of the Republic!"

Applause from the crowds on television just makes this worse. I look to my mother, who is sitting in the armchair next to me. Her hands cover her ears and she's rocking back and forth. The Hunger Games. The Hunger Games have done this to her. "At this time in one week," Jasper continues, silencing the applause, "our tributes will have been selected at the Reaping and will be off to the Republic to prepare for the Games." More applause.

I am sick.

"How do people support this?" Damian asks me at lunch the day before the Reaping. I just shake my head.

"I wouldn't fight," Juliana says. I grip her hands in mine. Liam is seething in his seat at the sight of this, but he'll get over it. She looks at me and repeats, "I wouldn't fight."  
>"You will," I say. "When the time comes, you will." I catch the glint of Mallory Azure's electric blue eyes. Her head drops away when I look at her. <em>I'm sorry.<em> The words stick in my mind but refuse to creep up my throat.

"I would," Damian says. "I would fight. But I wouldn't like it."

"No one would," I say. I look at the others for reassurance. Both Juliana and Damian shake their heads in agreement. Liam remains still, looking down at the table. So I ask, "Liam, are you okay?"  
>"I'm afraid," he says. "I don't want to die. I don't want this at all."<p>

"You'll have to fight," I say. "Unless someone volunteers to take your place."

"Then I would pay anything," he says quickly, not trying to hide his obvious fear, "do anything, to convince someone to volunteer,"

"It's not that simple," I tell him. It seems that because both my parents felt the pain of the Hunger Games I am naturally an expert on them. I'm not. But I know more than most do.

"Would you kill?" Juliana asks me.

"If the times comes," I say. Her hand loosens its grip on mine. "Juliana, I would only kill to come back here. Back to my home."  
>She gives me a weak smile. The tightness returns and she says, "I hope so."<p>

The following day, we're excused from our classes. We are to report to the town square at one for the Reaping. Just like before the Revolution, everyone's names are entered into glass bowls. The older you are, the more times it's entered. Inside of one of those bowls, Sterling Odair is written three times. Knowing Jasper, it's probably written thirty times.

"Welcome!" a plump man in a purple suit says. "I am Leon Garvin, District 4's escort for this year's Hunger Games! And may the odds be _ever_ in your favor." No reaction from the audience. "Let's start with the men." He reaches into the bowl and flicks his hand around for a bit as if he thinks he's creating suspense when really he's making me want to strangle him more. He finally picks a slip of paper and pulls it up.

"Sterling Odair!" he reads. I smile to myself. _I knew it._ I walk to the stage and shake his hand. _I'll give you a show, Jasper._ I smile to the crowd and give them nods of approval. _I'm coming back._

"And for our beautiful ladies," he says. He moves to the next bowl and goes through the same hand flicking routine. Finally he decides on a slip, opens it, and reads, "Juliana Flasia!" My heart breaks. _Why her? Does Jasper want to taunt me? Jasper wants me dead!_

Juliana, with pallor skin, slowly makes her way to the stage. Garvin helps her up, but she immediately runs to my side and hugs me. I put my arm around her and all of District 4 watches as I reassure her.

Then a strangled voice comes from the audience. It's hard to make out what the person's saying but they repeat it. A small blonde girl steps forward from the crowd, who has parted for her. She says it a third time, "I volunteer."

I stare in disbelief as Garvin helps Juliana off stage and then grabs Mallory Azure's hand to help her up onto it.


	12. Depart and Arrive

Damian and his father are the first to enter my room in the Justice Building. Damian gives me a big hug and says, "You have to come back. I don't care how."

"I will," I say. His father gives me an awkward nod of approval and they leave before either of us lose it. The guards in white, I think they're called Peacekeepers now, bring in my next guest. Juliana.

She runs over to me and kisses me. She refuses to back out of the kiss. I eventually pull out and she hugs me, her head leaning on my chest. "You can't die," she repeats over and over. I stroke her hair and speak softly, reassuring her that I won't.

"Why did she volunteer for me?" Juliana asks out of nowhere.

"Because she's looking out for me," I answer honestly. Mallory is looking out for me. She knew I couldn't bear entering the arena with Juliana at my side. There's one victor and Mallory is the only one brave enough to intervene. In some ways, I am grateful. In others, I'm sad. _I like Mallory. Do I love her?_

"Why?" Juliana asks.

"Because she loves me," I say. Juliana looks at me perplexed. "I never said I loved her. She is looking out for me and wants me to return to you because she knows that I'll be happy."

"I guess I'm glad that someone else loves you too," she jokes. Her sobbing mixes with some laughter.

I kiss her again and say, "I'm coming back for you." The Peacekeepers lead her out. Then they bring in my next guest. My mother. She sits still in a chair and doesn't say a word. "Mom?" I ask her, trying to bring her back to reality. She covers her ears and I know I've lost her. I call in the Peacekeepers and ask them to take her out. They do.

Then Johanna Mason enters. "Stay alive," she says. "We're gonna need you when we take Jasper down. If you die, I'll kill you." I laugh at her serious-toned joke. "I mean it."

"Johanna," I say, "thank you." She looks at me puzzled. "Thank you for convincing me that my father wasn't a bad guy." She takes out a ring and places it on my finger. It's a golden ring and it matches my mother's wedding ring.

"Your father slipped this in Peeta's belongings before he died," Johanna says. "It's his wedding ring. Take it as your token. Your father died at the hands of Snow's mutts. These lizard things got to him. They decapitated him. I thought I'd let you know how he died."

"Thank you," I say again. "Johanna, will you look after my mother?" She nods and leaves in silence. I look at the ring. There's a wave design etched into the gold band. I twist the ring until we get onto the train.

_Goodbye._

On the train, Leon comes over to Mallory and I and sits down in front of us. We have not said one word to each other since I broke it off with her. Garvin looks at us both and says, "Usually mentors are past victors, however Jasper doesn't like that. He thinks it's too dangerous with the state of the rebels right now. Instead, I and your designers will be acting as your mentors."

_Doesn't that sound great?_ Not at all.

"I'm so glad that we have such promising tributes," Leon Garvin continues to gush, which sickens me. "I feel we have good chances at winning."

"We?" I snarl. It's cruel, but he's too cheery for me. "One of us will maybe return. I think _we_ should drop this 'we'."

Leon looks at me open-mouthed. _I can be rude. Get over it, Leon._ "Well then," he tries to shake off my outburst. "I think _I_ have a good chance at mentoring a victor."

"You don't even know what the others are like yet," Mallory says. Leon turns away and remains silent for the rest of the trip. I'm not complaining and neither is Mallory. I can't look at her because I know that she's risking her life for me and I know that I owe her. _She loves me. She's going to die for you. She's going to die for Juliana._

We arrive at the Republic, or should I call it the Capitol now? Anyways, we step onto the train platform and are immediately greeted by screaming reporters and Republic-Capitol citizens. _That's it. They're from the Capitol now. This is not worthy enough of being called the Republic._

"Sterling!" I hear my name being yelled from a thousand reporters. "How does it feel to be here?" I ignore their questions. "You're the son of two victors. Do you think that improves your chances?" I continue to ignore. "Has your mother seen improvement since the death of your father?" I stop walking for a second, shoot the reporter who dared to ask this an evil look and continue walking. I feel Leon's hand on my shoulder, trying to keep me from tensing up.

"Up we go," Garvin says as we enter the elevator of the Remake Center. He hits the button for the fourth floor and we shoot up quickly.

"You'd think they'd have torn this place down after the Revolution," Mallory suddenly says.

"It reminds us of the evil that came before the Republic," I say.

"Well I wouldn't say that too loud," Leon tries to lighten the mood, but really just makes me want to punch him more. _He's my lifeline in the arena. I can't piss him off._

"You're right," I manage to spit out without sounding too resentful. He straightens himself and rolls his shoulders in self-admiration. _Narcissistic pig._

When we step off the elevator, three hands immediately reach out and pull me into a white walled room. I'm immediately stripped down by my prep team and they shove me into a bath filled with various oils and chemicals that make me want to gag.

"You can't meet your stylist until you're natural," a woman with light lavender hair spiked up towards the center says. Her name is Mohawk, fitting. She has silvery skin that glows in the dim lighting.

"Wasn't I natural when I stepped off the train?" I ask.

"Oh no," she laughs. "I mean natural in beauty terms." I shake off the obvious backhanded insult.

"Don't worry," a man with a face that seems to depict the Earth says. Vixen, the man, has blue and green hues that seem to attack each other for attention circling his hairless head. His eyes are lined with bright orange marker and his lips are dyed the same color._ He looks like a freak._

"Worry about what?" I ask.

"It's not that much of a stretch to get you there," he says. _Is he hitting on me?_

The other girl giggles. She's much younger than the others and considerably prettier. Her hair is wavy and a deep wine red. Other than the light blue swirls on her cheeks, she lacks any of those flamboyancies. I think she said her name was Nia. I look at her curiously and she says, "You're very handsome." She might be the only one here that doesn't annoy me.  
>"Thank you," I say with a wink. The light blue swirls twirl and pink flushes underneath them.<p>

After scraping and waxing and shaving and a lot of time in the nude, Mohawk announces that I'm "natural" enough to meet my stylist. My stylist ends up being a middle-aged woman named Zelda. She has bright orange hair, which is only slightly less effected than Vixen's lips, and slightly wrinkled skin. Her right eye is bright green and decorated with black liner that creates a wheel around the side of her eye. The other is light brown.

"I am Zelda," she says. "It's a pleasure to meet you." She seems so elegant. "I will be your stylist for the upcoming Games. I hope you are looking forward to this."

My doubtful look brings up some laughter. She just smiles sweetly and says, "Sorry, I know that you must hate this. I understand. Now for tonight, you and Ms. Azure will have to make an impression on the people of Panem. I had some ideas on how to make people remember you. The easiest was to dress you up like a ridiculous fish, but you two are too good looking for that."

"So what do you plan to do?" I ask suspiciously. Now I'm nervous.

"Make them remember your father," she says. I open my mouth to protest, but she puts up her hand. "Do not fret. This will evoke some love from the Republic. They'll love it. Finnick Odair was a hero."

"Yeah," I can finally agree. _I don't hate him for it._ "He was."

"So I have your costume ready," Zelda says and my prep team comes back with a net. I stare at Zelda in shock. She just hands me a picture. It's me riding in a chariot wearing this net. No, it's not me. It's my father.


	13. Prepared For the Butcher

Mallory is less thrilled about this than I am. It's obvious by the way she moves around in the net. She feels exposed and tries her best to cover herself up. Zelda gives me a trident to hold. My mother keeps my father's trident on the mantle and I've never touched it, but I've used other tridents before. Mallory's stylist, a pink-skinned man named Lonny, hands her a spear used for fishing. Our chariot looks like a sea monster pulled by seahorses.

I notice the girl from District 3 looking over at us constantly. She's wearing a black top that ends before her flat stomach and a matching skirt that ends at her knees. Her hair is fixed with little bulbs. I flash her a smile and she looks away, giggling. I look down at myself. Other than the knot tied in front of my crotch, I'm pretty exposed. _This can be good._

"Remember to smile," Zelda reminds us. We nod and she moves to her seat in the crowd. We still have another ten minutes before the Opening Ceremonies begin so Mallory and I shuffle around the stables meeting some of the other tributes.

I walk up to the District 1 chariot and begin to pet the glimmering horses. They're covered in some sort of shimmering powder, just like their tributes. However, the tributes are wearing tunics that are covered in dazzling jewels. The girl gets off her chariot and walks up to the other horse and begins petting that one.

"Too bad we have to go into the arena," I say. She looks up at me. "I would have loved to get to know you more." I try my best at being seductive. It's working because she just grins at me.

"It is a pity," she says. "Hopefully you'll die before I have to kill you." I'll take that as a compliment.

"So you think," I wink. She's a very pretty girl. She's tall, but not as tall as I am. She's thin and supple. Her long dirty blonde hair is braided down her left shoulder and her dark blue eyes match the jewels placed on her tunic. _Great work on those costumes._ She'll be sure to attract a lot of attention.

"Can I help you?" the other tribute steps off the chariot and comes up to me. He's got a few inches on me, which says a lot because I'm pretty tall, and looks much larger than I do in general. He has ferocious reddish eyes. They match the ruby-colored gems on his tunic.

"Just admiring your horses," I say. "I'm Sterling," I introduce myself.

"Kendal," the girl says immediately. I smile at her. She smiles back. _Well that eliminates one threat._

"Crimson," he steps between us. _Protective._ Either he senses my plan or he has his eye on her. I assume the former because I haven't gotten to know him well enough to think the latter.

"Nice to meet you," I say. I look past them at some of the other tributes. "What do you think of the crop?" _That's right, sound like a jerk. They'd like that._

Crimson and Kendal turn and look around. Crimson says, "2 seems pretty strong." This really means that they'd be good allies. I look over at them. They would. The boy is shorter than I am but built more powerfully. He looks like he'd easily strangle anyone that gets in his way. He's currently fixing his long brown hair. He has brutal features and indents on his face. He looks tough. Maybe it's just the makeup.

She is stunning. She also has dark brown hair, but her face seems to bring some kind of light. She turns around briefly and I catch a better glimpse of her face. She has chocolate brown eyes and a smallish nose. Her mouth is slender, but full. _Juliana._ She looks just like Juliana. I try to hide my obvious worry. I look at Crimson and Kendal, but they're not paying me any attention.

"Yeah," I agree with Crimson quickly. "They seem pretty good."

Crimson gives me a nod of approval and walks away. I wink at Kendal one last time and move on. I go over to District 3's chariot. "Good evening," I say to the girl. The boy looks like he's a nine-year-old because he's so small. He looks at me with fearful eyes and then looks away. He's wearing the same black costume. Only his costume covers his whole body.

"Hi," she says. She looks me up and down. Her eyes seem to have this intense flair that makes me feel uncomfortable.

I stroke her horses' manes and say, "Sweet horses." She gives me a slight grin and shakes her head. "What?" I ask.

"Flirty," she says. "That's what you're going for, right? Good move on your part. You look the part."

"Excuse me?" she catches me off guard.

"You think you can seduce every girl into taking you off her kill list," she says. "It might work on District 1, but I promise you it won't work on everyone."

"How's it working on you?" I ask in the most seductive purr possible. She brings back the smile and headshake.

"Better than I'd like," she admits. "But don't think that this will save you from a spear through the head."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Just checking. Allying with 1 and 2?"

"Maybe."

"Typical," she says. "You could grow a pair and try for something else."

"Is this your way of asking me to ally with you?" I ask. "You should try to be polite if you really want me on your side."

She laughs out loud. "Polite?" she asks. "We're about to be paraded around before being sent to the butcher and you're worried about manners?" I smirk. She's right. "Maybe your flirting is working."

"Me?" I ask, feigning innocence. "Flirting? I would never."

She laughs again. "I'll see you around," she says before climbing back onto her chariot. The gong sounds and I move back to the District 4 chariot where Mallory is waiting for me.

"Meet anyone?" I ask.

"Girl from District 12 seems nice," she says. "You?"

"Tributes from 1 and maybe 2," I say. "I don't know how I feel about the girl from 3."

"She's pretty," Mallory comments.

"Mallory," I say in a soft voice, "thank you."  
>She rolls her eyes and looks the other way. I can tell she's on the verge of tears. She holds them back because our chariot starts to move and we go on a parade around the City Circle before stopping in front of President Jasper. I try my best to flirt with the crowd. I hear shrieks crying for me and I just wink and smile and blow kisses. When we stop in front of Jasper, I just look up at him with as much ferocity as I can muster. He goes on about the history of the Games, but I ignore him. I want to stare him down and make him regret all he's done.<p>

"Good luck," he finishes his little speech and we're marched off.

"Marvelous!" Zelda squeaks when we get off the chariot. "Absolutely wonderful!" Leon and Lonny also join Zelda in praising us. Mallory looks like she's about to pass out so I suggest we return to the Training Center.

When we get off the elevator, Mallory and I walk to our rooms. As I move towards my room, she grabs my arm, turns me around, and kisses me. Before I can react, she pulls away and runs into her room, slamming the door shut. I stand there for a good five minutes paralyzed.

_What do I do now?_


	14. This Year's Crop

Below the Training Center is a gymnasium filled with dangerous objects that would give any responsible person a heart attack. Unfortunately, the Capitol isn't very responsible. I come down before Mallory, who refused to leave her room while I was still eating. I think she might be taking this a little badly.

The green training suit is perfect for me because I find that almost very female tribute has a thing for staring at my eyes. _Let them be amazed._ And they are. District 3 winks at me from the opposite side of the room. Mallory comes downstairs a few minutes later and a brutal-looking man walks to the center of the room.

"Welcome tributes," he greets us enthusiastically. "My name is Mars and I am the Head Trainer. It is a pleasure to meet all of you." _He doesn't look like it's a pleasure._ "First and foremost, I think it's important that all of you understand what you're good at and what you need work on. The next three days are vital because what you learn here can keep you alive in there. Each station has a trainer there to help you if you so need it. Without further ado, go."

We separate and go off to different areas. I first walk over to the archery station to observe Kendal's skills. She misses the head of one of the targets by a few inches. I step forward and stand behind her, putting my hand on her elbow to raise it. Her breathing speeds up and I know that my seduction is working.

I try to give her directions quietly and sexily, "Keep your elbow up. Extend the bowstring a bit more. Keep your head steady." She lets go and the target lands right in the head. Not quite a bullseye, but close enough that she smiles at me.

"District 3 seems to have taken a liking to you," she says. I turn around and see that the girl, whose name I should really learn, is staring right at me. I don't mind. I give her a wink when Kendal isn't looking. When I turn back around to face Kendal she says, "She should know you're taken."

"And who might that be?" I ask. "The Republic?"

"Something like that," she says and then walks to another station. I shoot some arrows for a bit and after hitting two bullseyes, I feel satisfied enough to move on. Maybe survival skills? No, today I need to impress the District 2 tributes.

I walk over to where the girl who looks like Juliana is, the knives. She's whirling them around at target dummies like it's nothing. I watch in amazement. I grab a spear off the stand and wait for my moment to make a good first impression.

As she loads up and prepares to throw another batch, I hurl the spear and catch the dummy she was just about to target in the head. She stops and turns to me. "Nice throw," she comments. "Now I know to watch out for spears."

"You won't have to worry about that," I say. She grins and throws a knife. "Only my enemies will have to worry."

"Only one comes out alive," she says.

"Let's cross that bridge later," I dismiss this conversation and move onto the next "I'm Sterling."  
>She sizes me up and then says, "Layla." Then she throws another knife. Bullseye.<p>

"Nice throw," I comment with just a slight mocking tone.

"You would know," she retorts. _I like you._ "You seem to have the girls lining up." I give her a quizzical look. "You've got District 1 dangling by the bowstring, District 3 is dying to get you to just look at her, and every time you turn around, your district mate seems to want to hide. Plus you have a few tributes making a small little fan club. Just look around for a second."

I turn slowly in a circle, looking at all the girls. Sure enough, they're all glancing at me for short periods of time. I look back at Layla and say, "You."

"That's how I'm going to win," she remarks.

"You have twenty-three others making sure that you don't," I quickly reply.

She observes the crowd again and then looks at me. Then she points to the boy from District 3 wandering around the gym, "He's not going to win. He's small and would be lucky to make it past the Cornucopia." Then she points to the tributes from District 5, "They have no shot." The boy is much smaller than the girl, which isn't saying much. They're struggling to make a proper fire. Layla proceeds to point to the District 9 boy throwing a large weight around, "He's a show off. Easy target now." I just nod. She's really going to be a difficult opponent. _Thankfully, we're allies._

"Good point," I say. I realize that I haven't thrown a spear in a few minutes so I pick up the next spear and throw it through the head of the dummy again. I go to the knot tying station because I know what I'm doing and it reminds me of home. The instructor is very impressed with my skills and tries to show me some new knots that I've never seen before.

When the training day ends, I go up to the girl from District 3 and ask, "I don't believe I caught your name last night."

"I don't believe I dropped it," she says. She twists her dirty blonde braid in her fingers and then looks at me. "Thalia. My name is Thalia."

"Sterling," I introduce myself. I look over at her district mate, who is still giving me that fearful look, but from a distance. "What's his name?"

"Leave him out of this," she says quickly.

"I'm not questioning his abilities," I defend myself. "I just want to know his name."

"Neville," she says. "He's a quiet little boy who shouldn't be here. It's enough of an issue getting food down his throat. I really hate it when stuck up Careers give him that doubtful look. Neville has the heart to win, he just lacks the…"

"Skill?" I suggest. She gives me a dirty look and I know to walk away. I walk to the elevator and see Mallory conversing with the District 12 tributes, so I quickly rush into it.

"Hi," I say. "I'm Sterling, Mallory's district mate. Who might you be?"

I look right past the boy and look at the girl, flashing my best smile. She turns red and plays with her long, curly dark brown hair. Her eyes are gray like a cloud. The boy sticks his hand out and introduces them, "I am Jace. This is Savannah. District 12."

"Nice to meet you," I shake his hand. He has similar facial features, his eyes are gray too, they both have dark tanned skin, they both have small noses and full lips, but his hair is bright blonde, like Mallory's.

"Mallory tells me that you have been talking with District 3," Jace says.

I nod and say, "She's good. So is the boy from 1 and the girl from 2."

"I don't like them," Jace says plainly. "Arrogant."

"But capable," I return. He must be seventeen, at least. As we slow down to the fourth floor, I curiously ask, "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," he says. The doors open and Mallory steps out. "You?"

"Fourteen," I say as I step out. "You were expecting sixteen, right?"  
>"Around that," he says and the doors shut. <em>Being handsome does have its perks.<em>


	15. Allies

"So who do you choose?" Zelda asks me at dinner. I presented my options, which are team up with Thalia, team up with Mallory, or team up with the Careers, and now I'm lost as to which group to choose. Mallory is quiet and looking at her plate.

"Not sure," I say. "I still have a few days to decide." Zelda nods and we continue eating. Leon, Lonny, and Zelda chatter amongst themselves about things going on in their lives. I watch Mallory the whole meal. She doesn't speak once, or even look up, but rather stares down at the white tablecloth.

She stands up without a word and then goes to her room. Lonny looks up at me and gives me a questioning look. "I'll see," I say and I follow her to her bedroom. I catch the door before she can close it and let myself in. "What's wrong?" I ask.

Mallory turns away. "I can't do it," she says. I know she's holding back tears, but I turn her around and hug her. She refuses to cry though.

"You don't have to do anything," I say. "You'll win."

"You don't want to return home?" she asks me. _Good question._ I can't leave my mother without help, but then there's Johanna who agreed to help. And Juliana. I want to return to her, but without Mallory to always go back to. _That's devilish._ That does sound a bit cruel. I love Juliana.

"I do," I say. "But I want you to live. You've sacrificed enough to ensure that Juliana stays alive. Now it's my turn to return the favor." When the time comes, I don't know if I'd kill Mallory, but I don't want her to worry just in case I decide to.

She moves away from me and sits on her bed. "Jace had an idea," she says. "If you could get us two in the Career pack, then we'd be able to bring it down from the inside. Jace and Savannah would get another group together and one night they'd attack the Careers, only we'd help Jace and Savannah so that we'd eliminate that threat."

"Would District 3 be involved?" I ask.

"Jace tried her," Mallory says. "She didn't take him up on his offer."

"There's still plenty of time left," I say, hoping that she becomes an ally. "Do you like this idea?"  
>"It's good," she says. "But then it means that we might get closer to having to kill each other."<br>"What will be will be," I say. "For now, let's not worry about that."

"Okay," she says. We sit in silence for a few seconds then she says, "You don't have to stand there. Sit."

I do as Her Highness commands, and sit next to her on the bed. She smiles weakly and says, "Thank you."

"For what?"  
>"For saving me that day. For always being there. Even though we may not see each other again in a week, just know that I am returning all the favors you gave me now. That's why I'm here."<p>

"Because I saved you from a drunk father?"

"And because your kisses are pretty nice," she flirts. She's never been _this_ flirty. _Juliana_. I keep repeating the name in my head to remember how to act. Mallory sits up for a second and moves closer. "Very nice," she says softer. I turn to look at her and try my best to keep my brain from turning to putty. I try to egg on the voice in the back of my mind to speak up but it's decided to take a nap.

"How nice?" I ask. _Stupid question!_

"Very, very nice."

"Yeah?" She doesn't respond to my question with words, but rather with movement. She pulls me in and kisses me. However, she quickens the pace of her kiss and then leans back on the bed. We toss and turn around the bed for a while and then she tries to take my shirt off. _Oh no._

I stop. "Mallory," I protest. She continues to claw at me and kiss my lips really hard. She tries to pull her shirt over her head, but I pull it back down. She finally stops and looks at me. I warn her, "That's not okay."  
>"We could be dead in a matter of-"<p>

"That doesn't mean now," I interrupt.

She sighs and says, "You're right." She pecks me soft on the lips and then gets up, straightening her clothes out.

"I should go," I say.

"Goodnight," she says.

"Goodnight," I say. She kisses me one last time and I go to bed more confused than before.

When I wake up and go to breakfast, I try my best to listen to Zelda and Leon talk about what we have to do. It's hard though because my mind keeps wandering back to Mallory, who still refuses to look up. Lonny tries to instruct her quietly and she just nods.

"Well?" Zelda's voice brings me back to reality.

"I'll work on alliances," I say. I have no idea what she was just saying, but she just nods in approval and I finish my meal half-listening to Leon and Zelda discuss some issue with prices and clothes.

When I go down the elevator with Mallory, she interrupts the silence and says, "I'm sorry about last night. I was wrong."

"It's fine," I say.

"Who are you going to choose?" she asks.

I'm confused about what she means at first. _Mallory or Juliana?_ But then I realize she means in an alliance. I quickly calculate my decision and say, "I'm going to start with the Careers. You should come to, just so that the others know that I don't plan on double-crossing them. I can also split them up because I have the girl from District 1, Kendal, falling all over me. Tell Jace and Savannah the plan. See if they can get Thalia, the District 3 girl, in on it. I"

"Okay," Mallory agrees. The doors open at the second floor and Layla and Xander step on.

There's silence at first, but then Xander says in his most seductive voice, "Hello there." Mallory looks at me in some form of panic and I just give her a look that tells her to play into it. She looks back at Xander and smiles. "You've got a name?" he asks.

"Mallory," she says. She moves closer to him. "You must be Xander. I heard all about you after the Opening Ceremonies the other night. They said you looked powerful and handsome. I can see it."

My mouth falls open in shock. _Maybe I underestimated her._


	16. Disappointment Day

When we step off the elevator, I am sure to stick to the Careers. Mallory gives Xander one last look and moves to Jace and Savannah at the edible plant station. I walk over to the knives and watch Layla cut open a dummy. At the next station over, Xander and Crimson are working on their hand-to-hand combat skills with the instructor. I turn around and see Kendal notching an arrow into a bow. She winks at me and lets it fly. It hits the target dummy just below the chest. _Not a great shot._

"That's really what you want?" I hear a voice quietly in my ear. I whirl around and see Thalia standing there. "Whatever floats your boat, I guess. Besides, you should know a thing or two about boats."  
>"More than you'd think," I say. "I have a plan."<br>"I'm sure you do," she says. "When you feel like surviving longer, come talk to me." She walks away and I pick up a knife and hurl it in anger. It strikes a dummy in the heart, which I think I'm starting to lose.

At the end of the Training Session, I stalk back up to my room and collapse on my bed for a while. "I need a good plan," I say to myself. I could abandon Mallory and the Careers and go at it with Thalia alone. She'd be a useful ally, but something stops me. I know if I leave Mallory, the Careers would kill her in a second. I could wait for Jace to pick her up, but then I'd be obligated to work with them. Hopefully some disaster will end my alliance with the Careers before it's too late.

"She's worth it," Mallory says. I look up and see her in the doorway. "That Thalia girl. She's worth the trouble."  
>"How'd you know I was thinking about her?" I ask.<p>

"Because she has that fighting spirit in her that makes a good ally and a better friend," Mallory says. "And you value that. That's why you love Juliana."

I purse my lips and think for a moment. I open my mouth to speak, but then take my words back before they can work their way up my throat. I think for another second and say, "I never said I loved her."  
>"Issues with that word?" Mallory asks.<p>

_Ouch._ "Yes." A one-word answer should get her to back off. And she does.

"Just remember that she'll be dead in the matter of a week."

"Week?" I remember hearing that the Hunger Games could last up to two weeks.

"I overheard Leon and Lonny talking. They said that this year's Games will be less than a week long, or so they hope. They want to keep it fluid so that it's more exciting. I don't know."  
>"Sounds stupid," I say.<p>

"Everything about this is," Mallory says. "Just remember when you return home that you have Juliana and you should never lose her. If you do, you'll lose me too."  
>"<em>If<em> I return home, I lose you regardless."

"But in spirit," Mallory says. "You two could be crying your eyes out about your fate if I didn't step forward."  
>"I still don't get why you did that," I say.<p>

"Because I love you."

Silence. Followed by footsteps. Then comes the door slam and I know that Mallory won't be able to forgive herself.

The next day, training goes the same. There's nothing special about it. I constantly look up at the Gamemakers though because after this session is the private Training Sessions and I have to make a good impression for my plan to work.

"What are you going to do?" Zelda asks me as I wait rather impatiently.

"Death trap," I say. "With a dummy on wheels."  
>"Clever," she says.<p>

I watch the tributes leave the gym. My Career comrades leave smiling. They've done well. Only Layla shows no emotion about her performance. I kind of like her, she's quiet and doesn't gloat over whatever abilities she has.

Neville leaves the gym in shock. He's out of it. Thalia gives him a quick hug and then looks over at me. I mouth a "Good luck" to her and she enters the room. Fifteen minutes later, she walks out, breathing heavily. I stand up and give my team a reassuring nod before entering the room.

Some Gamemakers are conversing quietly with each other while others watch me intently. The ones who aren't paying attention quiet down after a few moments once I walk to the center of the room.

"Hey there," I say. I give them a flirtatious smile and continue, "I'm Sterling Odair, from District 4. Maybe you remember my dad, he did okay here twenty-four years ago." One of the women's eyes look up at me excitedly when she hears me mention my father. _Maybe they were friends._ Maybe more.

I begin to tie together some netting and then knot pieces of rope to notches that pop out of the lights at the edge of the gyms. I tie some spears to the light notches and rope too. I take a dummy and wheel it towards the large netting trap. I push it hard and it wheels onto the net. Immediately, some of the knots untie themselves and others tighten, causing the net to collapse on the dummy and spears to shoot quickly into the dummy. I pick up the trident sitting on the stand next to me and twirl it in my hand.

I bring my arm back and then envision Horatio Jasper as I drive the trident through the dummy's head. After that impressive showing, I heave the trident across the room and it impales a dummy through the chest. I look up at the Gamemakers, who are nodding in approval.

I walk back to the center of the room and bow. "Thank you for your time," I say and the Head Gamemaker waves me on to leave the room. When I leave, I exhale in relief.

"How'd it go?" Zelda asks.

"I think it went well," I say. I go back up to my room and wait less patiently than before for dinner so that they can announce the scores.

When dinner finally comes, I try my best to contain my excitement. I'm actually looking forward to the announcement, I don't know why. I hear bits and pieces of Mallory's performance. She did some gymnastic routine and threw around some knives. She doesn't seem as enthusiastic about the announcements though.

When the time finally comes, the television host of the Games, Ziggy Silvan, smiles at the screen. His face has definitely been altered by surgery because his skin is actually a glowing silver color. It sort of matches his pure white hair and pouty blandish lips.

He immediately goes into score announcements. A picture of Crimson pops up and a golden 9 appears below it. Kendal's earned a 7. Xander gets a 9 and Layla gets a 10. Neville comes next with a 4 and then Thalia with a 9. I watch the screen as my face appears. They've chosen a good picture of me because my sea green eyes burn through the screen.

The number appears below my name. 8. _What?_ I was expecting something so much more impressive. I huff angrily and the others pretend to ignore it. Mallory's face appears next. If I got an 8, then she must have gotten a 5 or something. 9. _WHAT?_ _How did she land a 9?_ I smile in congratulations but I know something is up. I did so well!

I get up and go to bed, slamming the door behind me for good measure. _I hate everything._


	17. Interview with Death

"The interview is everything," Zelda says. "If you fail at your interview, you fail at everything."

"No pressure though," I joke. My mood has definitely improved since last night. I guess an 8 isn't _that_ bad. Zelda laughs and then shows me my choices of outfits. Unlike other stylists, Zelda gives me a choice of what I'm going to wear.

"If this is your last time in a normal outfit," she says, "I think you should be able to choose it." Not exactly reassuring, but she's absolutely right. This may be the last time I'm dressed in something flattering before the Games begin.

As I stare at the outfits, I remember something. I go over to the dresser and pick up the gold ring sitting on top. My father's wedding band. "I have to wear this." She looks it over and then takes away two of the five outfits.

"Then you'll have to wear one of these three," she says. I don't mind. I didn't particularly like the others.

I try on all three. Only one stands out. It's a sea green collared shirt that matches my eyes and a black blazer with faint golden accents. The pants and shoes are also black, but have the same gold accents. However, on the edge of the blazer sleeve is a button. When I press it, a light fades softly through the golden accents and it looks as if there are waves moving around my body.

"It's amazing," I say.

"Thank you," Zelda says sweetly. "This one is also my favorite."

"One thing though," I say as I unbutton the top two buttons of the shirt, exposing a bit of my chest. _Give them what they want._ I know it sounds egotistical, but I'm trying to appease a blood-loving crowd who could determine my future. I think I can be a bit full of myself for the time being.

"Perfect," Zelda says. After I change out of my outfit, I go to Leon's room. I'm supposed to work on my "etiquette" with him. I'm pretty sure that's a fancy word that just means snobby, but us District-dwellers can't afford to understand such words.

"Never slouch," he instructs me as we sit in these very comfortable chairs that make me want to take a nap. "Always sit up straight and stay mindful of how you're acting. One slip up could cause you a sponsor. You probably would not understand it, but sponsors are very necessary."

"My father was Finnick Odair," I tell him sternly. Leon shuts up about sponsors and just continues to tell me what I'm doing wrong. After an hour, I have learned how to sit and walk. I feel like a newborn.

"How did Mallory do?" I ask. Leon smiles and goes on about how she's such a perfect little lady. "And how do I compare?"  
>"Let's just hope that you can act as well as she can," he says. "I have a feeling I know what you're going for tonight. Seductive?"<p>

"What gave it away?" I ask sarcastically.

"Lose the sarcasm," he instructs me. "It's not cute."  
>"Whatever," I say.<p>

"Now."  
>"Okay! Sheesh."<br>"And the attitude," he gives me more obnoxious attitude. I breathe heavily and nod. His smile returns and he asks me general questions about myself, which I always try to put a seductive purr on.

"What do you think about the ladies here in the Republic?" he asks.

"Cute," I say. Leon's face drops.

"No," he says. "Try again."  
>I sigh and say with the cheesiest and most flirty grin, "I like what I see. There are a few ladies here that I've definitely cast my eye on." The words just flow out of me without meaning.<p>

"Great!" Leon enthuses. "You just might be ready for the piranhas." I'm not sure what the fish have to do with this, but before I know it, it's time to line up at the wings of the stage and wait for our allotted time with Ziggy Silvan.

Kendal takes the stage and I can immediately tell she's going for sexy. She has it too. The looks and the personality. When her three minutes are up, people are cheering like crazy. Crimson has an arrogant approach. Layla is wholesome and humble. She says that she was not expecting a 10. Xander also tries arrogant, but just comes off as egotistical.

When Thalia takes the stage, I am stunned. She's wearing a dark golden dress that ends just above her knees. Her eye makeup is done with an old-style flair, accenting her electric blue eyes perfectly. Her hair is waved over shoulders. _Wow._ She has a different approach than I expected. She's giggling and making jokes with Ziggy. This is nothing like I've ever seen before. When she exits the stage, I smile at her and she drops her look, blushing.

Neville stumbles and stutters over his words for three minutes so I'm relieved when he steps off the stage. Mallory goes up next. Keeping close to her roots, Lonny has put her in a bluish fishnet-like dress with a mermaid-esque tail at the bottom. It's strangely beautiful. Her lips look fuller and redder and her ocean blue eyes match the dress. She is charming the crowd with her innocent approach. When she stands at the end, her dress begins to glow and glitter. Hidden in the dress are jewels that react to a light from within the dress. It's spectacular! Even Ziggy makes a comment.

I'm next. I breathe deeply and take the stage, smiling and waving at the crowd. One woman throws a rose at me. I pick it up, sniff it, and then wink at her. I hold onto the rose and present it to Ziggy as we shake hands. Everyone laughs. Ziggy places the rose in his upper jacket pocket and we sit down.

"Sterling Odair," he says. "How are you doing?"

"What a deep question," I remark, laughing lightly. _Screw Leon, I'll be sarcastic if I want to._ "Just kidding. I'm doing well, and yourself?"

"Fantastic!" Ziggy says enthusiastically. He's wearing a bright silver suit that makes his white hair glow, until I realize that he has small pieces of artificial hair in his head that actually glow. _Freak._ "How's the Republic treating you?"  
>"I like what I see," I say, nodding at the crowd. I scan the crowd quickly and wink at a woman screaming her head off. "I definitely like what I see."<p>

"You like the women here?"

"Absolutely," I enthuse. "Very beautiful. I just wish we had more of these kind of girls back home in District 4." _Lies._ "I would definitely have a better time." I think for a second and quickly add, "I guess it runs in the family."

Hysterical laughter from the audience puts me at ease. I guess they all know about the famous Finnick Odair. "Speaking of District 4, what do your District mate volunteering for that girl at the Reaping?"

"I was surprised," I say honestly. "Mallory did a brave thing, valiantly risking her life for Juliana."

"You know her?" Ziggy asks.

"Very well," I say, shrugging my shoulders as if I'm holding something back.

"I see," he says. "I see very well. Anything you want to tell your girl back home before you enter the arena?"  
>I look straight into the camera and speak from the heart, "Juliana, I'm sorry for what you are about to go through. I hope I can return home to you and the rest of District 4." I pause for a few moments because I know what will happen if I say the next few words. <em>I love you.<em> The sound never comes from the thoughts.

"On another note," Ziggy suddenly says, "what do you think of your chances with that 8?"

"An 8 is still very good," I say. "I'm happy with it. Do I think I could have done better? Probably. But I feel I have pretty strong chances, like any other tribute here."  
>"Do you think victory runs in the blood?" he asks me.<p>

I give him a look of confusion then realize what he's saying. "The arena changed both my parents' lives." _It killed my father and destroyed my mother. _"It made them into different people. My father became a symbol and died fighting for the Republic. My mother, well, she changed too." I didn't want to get too deep. "I don't think it runs in the blood, but I think I might have a better understanding of how things will work out afterwards than other tributes do." _Adequate answer._

The gong sounds and Ziggy stands up. "Ladies and gentlemen, Sterling Odair, the son of victory!"

_The son of victory. I can live with that._


	18. Loading Up

It probably isn't a good idea, but I phase out for the rest of the interviews with Ziggy. Oh well. When I step off the elevator, Leon, Zelda, and Lonny finally stop fussing over our interviews. They tell us to get a good rest because we have to wake up early.

"I will help you get ready tomorrow," Zelda says with a serious face. "I will also be at the arena."

"Thank you," I say. She smiles at me and hugs me. "Goodnight."

I walk back to my room and shut the door behind me. Starved fingers grip at my body and lurch me around. My lips feel the sneak attack of a desperately needed kiss. "Mallory!" I manage before she sucks me back into another kiss. I give up and lift her up off her feet and lay her down on the bed. Kisses, pressed hard, are all that I can manage.

"I love you," she whispers. _Don't answer._ I don't. "I love you," she says again. I refuse to respond. I just keep kissing her. She says it again. And again. _Stop!_ I don't. "Do you love me?"

I stop.

_Do I love her?_ "No," I say, the word falling out like a dark curse over a dying soul. She looks away. "I can't." _Then I will have to make sure you go home._ But I have to go home.

"You will win," she says and goes back to kiss me.

"And you'll still kiss me?" I ask, shocked. "I just flat out rejected your love and you'll still kiss me?"  
>"This is the last time I can be with you without all of Panem seeing," she says. "I don't care what you say. I don't care what you do. I just want you."<p>

"Be careful what you wish for," I say with a grin.

"Why didn't you tell her you loved her?" Mallory asks just as I'm about to kiss her. Now I can't.

"What?" She gives me a darkened look. "I have trouble using that phrase. It's so loose and expressionless. I can't tell her I love her. I can't tell anyone that." I pause and think why. "Because my mother loved my father. And look at where that landed her. She's a mess. I can't love someone that much because it isn't right when they just leave."  
>"I highly doubt that will happen to you," Mallory says.<p>

"It's a precaution," I say. I move to kiss her before she can say anything else. Thankfully, she doesn't.

We fall asleep in my bed. The sound of frantic babbling in the hallway wakes me up. Mallory, rather than use a pillow, has chosen my arm to lay her head on. I slowly maneuver my arm out and pull my shirt on and go to the door to listen.

"-and I have no idea where she is!" a woman cries. "She couldn't have just escaped!" He's searching for Mallory. I go to Mallory and nudge her awake, jerking my head to the door, trying to keep quiet. _How am I going to get her out of here?_

I don't. The door opens and our prep teams enter. Thankfully, the surprised expression on my prep team's faces subsides when one of the women on Mallory's team goes berserk, "Where have you been? Here? Let's go! We're going to be late!"

They yank her out of the room before I can say goodbye and I'm sat down and ripped apart and prepared for the arena. "Why don't you do this in the arena?" I ask Mohawk as she tweezes my eyebrows.

"Easier to do it before," she says.

Vixen frets with my hair and Nia works on shaping my toenails. When she finishes there, she works on my fingernails. "Do you bite your nails?" she asks.

"A little," I admit.

She giggles. "That's cute," she says. "I used to." She paints a coat of shiny polish on all my nails to make them glisten. If I'm going to die in the arena, why bother make me pretty? I guess the people need to enjoy something.

"Perfect!" Vixen announces as they push me over to the bathtub. They pour various vials of multicolored liquids that scare me into a tub and I get in. After fifteen minutes of soaking, they order me out and wipe my body down. I put on normal clothing and then Peacekeepers arrive to march me to the roof.

Mallory and I are taken separately. Apparently, she left already. On the roof, there's a large transport waiting for us. Leon is there to see me off. "Good luck!" he says enthusiastically.

I think of several rude parting remarks, but decide that I want to live through this, so I say, "Thanks for everything, Leon."

"No issue!" he says. "I hope you do well, Sterling." I get on the ladder jutting out from the bottom of the transport and am stuck in place. _How did they do this?_ It must be some current, or something. Thalia would probably get it.

I don't remember arriving at the arena, but suddenly I'm below ground. A woman dressed in all white injects something into my arm and calls it a tracker. Whatever. I'm brought to an unmarked room where Zelda's waiting patiently. The room has bare white walls and a glass tube sits at the other end of the room. _The tube that will bring me to my doom._

Zelda unwraps my outfit and I change into it. There's a black undershirt and green windbreaker. The pants are tight-fit, but seem comfortable. "Temperate climate," Zelda remarks. "Probably woods or a forest or something."

"I was hoping for some water," I say.

"This is waterproof material," she says. "If that helps." I smile. She gives me a big hug and says, "Win this. Don't let me down, Sterling." I load up into the tube and give her a nod. She smiles at me and says, "I have a lot of money on you."

My smile grows and I say, "Thank you."

"Kick some butt," she says. A glass door slides closed, causing my heart to pound. I put my hand against the tube walls and my smile fades. The voice counting down says, "Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one." I'm lifted up.

Trapped in darkness for a few seconds, I begin to wonder how I got here. _Jasper._ That's all it comes back to. The darkness leaves abruptly and is replaced by harshly bright light. I look around. Twenty-three other faces are doing the same thing. I have sixty seconds to collect my thoughts before the gong sounds.

_I have sixty seconds before all hell breaks loose._


	19. Bloody Hell

"Ladies and gentlemen!" a booming voice calls. "Welcome to the First Annual Hunger Games!"

Three spears sit at the edge of golden Cornucopia. Garish green backpacks litter the area surrounding. The grass is trimmed short in this general area. Perfect for a bloodbath. I look around me. There's what looks like a rainforest behind the Cornucopia. Behind me is a forest. In the distance are mountains. The last part of the arena, to the side of the rainforest, is an open wheat field. None of this looks dangerous, but I know it is.

I look back at the Cornucopia, filled with all sorts of goodies. Swords, knives, blades, and, most importantly, death inhabit this evil device. I look at the tributes, trying to find my allies. Mallory is on the opposite side. I shake my head at her and she knows not to go for anything too dangerous. She's too small. I find Kendal, who I wink at. She blushes. Crimson nods at me. Thalia gives me a look that warns me of what sort of danger awaits me if I don't join her. I give her a desperate look, hoping she understands. I jerk my head towards Xander and Kendal. She does understand me because she grins at me.

_Bong!_ I sprint forward on a diagonal towards my nearest ally, Layla. She's just two platforms to my right. Layla picks up a bow, a quiver of arrows, and a long knife. She chucks the knife at the girl between Layla and I, a sixteen-year-old from District 6. The girl falls down, dead. Cries of agony come from all around me. I don't stop. The boy from 8 comes at me with a curved blade, but he jerks violently and falls down dead. Thalia winks at me as she retrieves the spear she just threw. _Two dead in less than three seconds._

The girl from 11 and Thalia reach for the same backpack, but Thalia cuts her down and runs off. Layla tosses the bow and arrow to Kendal, who quickly shoots down the girl from 10, who is trying to attack Xander. Crimson claims a long sword for himself and impales the girl from 9. She falls down too.

Suddenly, I see something fly at me. A knife has barely missed me. I turn my attention to the thrower. It's the boy from 10. He looks about my age. He charges at me and tackles me to the ground. We wrestle around for a bit. He's much smaller than I am, but I'm unarmed. He picks up his knife, but I crash back into him and we tumble around a bit more. I manage to get my hand on the knife and slice at him. I was trying to scare him away, but he ran at me as I did. Blood spurts out of his esophagus at lightning speed.

_I killed him._

I avoid the blood, but some catches me in the face. I take two precious seconds to wipe it away and duck as the show-off boy from 9 tries to take my head off with an axe. I kick him in the back of the leg and keep moving. He's too big and I need to get to my team.

I reach the Cornucopia itself and look around for Mallory. Sure enough, she is safe with Layla, patrolling the edge of the woods and looking for any stragglers. Crimson and Xander raid the inner parts of the Cornucopia in search of more weapons. Kendal stands guard outside the Cornucopia. They know what they're doing.

Something glints inside the Cornucopia and I look harder. A small boy who I forgot existed is trying to sneak around the huge masses of flesh that are Crimson and Xander. Crimson notices him and immediately seizes him by the throat, lifting him off the ground. The boy begins to flush blue and then I hear the _snap_ and know he's dead. Crimson throws the body out of the Cornucopia and continues what he was doing before.

The canons go off. I count them in my head. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven._ Seven dead in the matter of three minutes. The rest have scampered off. "What do we do now?" Kendal asks.

"Find water," I say.

"Where would that be?" Xander asks, returning with a hooked blade fastened safely to a sheathed belt that he must have found in the Cornucopia.

"Well that's a forest," I say, pointing behind my platform. "There are bound to be living things in there that will have some kind of food source and water source."

"Then we're off," Crimson says. Mallory sticks close to me. She doesn't trust the others and I don't blame her. Crimson takes the lead, holding a massive sword. Layla follows closely behind. She's much more alert than the rest of us, a natural hunter. She holds onto a long jagged knife. I take two spears, which attach to a harness that I place on my back. I feel safer with them and follow her. Mallory stands next to me, clutching a set of twin silver daggers. Kendal follows me with her bow and arrow and Xander takes the back.

The forest is dense and thick. The trees tower over us and are so green that it seems almost artificial. Wait, it kind of is artificial. I still find it hard to believe that this beautiful place is still a blood-soaked arena. I know that this place will always taunt me, even in death.

The sun begins to set after four hours of staggering through the forest. We make it to a mountain and I notice something shiny in the distance. "Guys!" I say to get their attention. "It looks like a river is flowing down from the mountains!"

We pick up the pace to get to the river before the sunset. Sure enough, as the sky fades from pink to navy, we reach the mouth of a river, which connects into a beautiful lake. All of us carry backpacks, which we salvaged from the Cornucopia. I take the thermos out of mine and fill it with water and then drop the necessary iodine drops in it and wait.

"What do you think?" Mallory comes up next to me and asks.

"It's pretty here," I say. "It's kind of intimidating."

"Yeah," she agrees. She jerks her head to our present company, who pay us no attention. "What do you think of them?"  
>I laugh lightly and say, "We have to gain their trust before anything. Then we can separate."<br>"Do we kill them?" she asks.

"No," I say. "Not unless we have to. Crimson and Xander are much bigger than me. They could kill me in a second without another thought. You saw what they're capable of."

She nods. "I trust you."

"Good. You should."

The smile fades. "What's that supposed to mean?" she asks.

"It means I know what I'm doing and you should trust me," I say.

"Really?" she asks. "You really know what you're doing?" Her tone is rising and Kendal turns her head to look at us. "Do you know what I've done to get here? I put my life at risk for you and your 'love'! I think you should appreciate me and not act like I'm a lost little girl!"

_But you are._

By now the others have focused on us. "Everything okay?" Layla asks.

"Everything's fine," I say. I look at Mallory with the biggest evil eye I can give her and say, "Watch it."

She purses her lips and remains silent as we set up camp. The anthem plays and we watch the sky as the images of all the seven dead tributes projects into the great abyss above. When it ends, I volunteer to take first watch. I don't why I did. I think I have stuff to think over and I'm not that tired yet.

"I'll watch too," Kendal says. Crimson nods his head. I guess he's our leader now.

Kendal pulls up next to me and we sit there silently until everyone is asleep or motionless. "Do you really love someone at home?" Kendal asks.

I look at her, a bit surprised. I smile at her as flirtatiously as I can and say, "You know someone who's interested?"  
>She giggles and tries to quiet herself down and says, "Maybe. You're a very good looking guy, I must admit."<p>

"But Papa Bear over there doesn't trust me," I point at Crimson, who is passed out.

"He's a bit protective," she says. "But that's only because I dated his brother."  
>"How did that end up?" I ask.<p>

"Not well," she says. "He broke up with me and Crimson started to care for me. I guess he was trying to be nice but he laid it on a little too thick."

"And how do you like it laid?" I ask. I give her another flirtatious grin. She's putty in my hands.

Kendal reaches up and turns my face towards her and kisses me. _Not another one._ Who am I kidding? I asked for this! I seduced her into this and now I have to pay for it!

She pulls away and then says, "I'll check out the other side of camp." She gets up and moves to the opposite side of the camp and I sit there, dazed by what just occurred. I look over at Mallory and watch her eyes quickly shut and then open slowly and then shut again.

_This is not going to end well._


	20. Cliffhanging

I guess I dozed off a bit because the sound of a broken twig. No one else is awake at my camp so I look around. I notice the reflection of the moonlight off someone's jacket in the near distance. I stand up for a second and crane my neck to find out whom exactly it is.

I recognize her. She's the girl from 8. She got a 3 in training, I believe. Not exactly a threat. She's also craning her neck over plants and branches to see something. I pick up one of my spears and creep towards her slowly.

She's looking at another camp, which happens to lay right near ours. _We should probably move in the morning._ The girl unsheathes a short sword and slowly moves towards the camp. I follow behind her slowly. _Who's camp is that?_

The girl makes a bad mistake and steps on another branch. Instantly, three people wake up and get their weapons. The girl panics and quickly takes a swipe at the nearest person. I recognize him instantly and try my best to hold back a scream as I hear the small boy let out an agonized cry and fall to the ground, a dark red puddle illuminating in the moonlight from his wound.

Neville.

The girl runs away but another boy, an older boy, follows her. She makes it towards my camp and I follow immediately. _Boom!_ The cannon sounds and I know Neville is dead. The boy, who I recognize as Desmond, from 7, follows the girl and tackles her to the ground. The cannon has woken up my camp and I rush back there before they get suspicious.

I hear another cannon go off as I arrive. "What's going on?" Crimson demands.

"I just heard someone so I went to investigate," I say. "The girl from 8, I think, just killed the boy from 3 and then the boy from 7 went after her. One of them just died, I don't know which one."

The rest of my team gets up and goes off towards where the fight just took place. The girl's body lay there. We move away and wait for the hovercraft to come down and claim it. Sure enough, the claw comes down and grabs the body and pulls it inside. Everything continues as if nothing occurred before. We move towards where the other camp is, but it no longer exists. I guess Thalia is smart enough to know to move away.

"Good work," I mutter to myself.

"Well that leaves fifteen of us," Xander says.

"Great," I say sarcastically. "May the odds be ever in our favor."

"What?" Xander asks, confused.

"It's an old expression," I say. "They used to use it before the Revolution."

"Weird," Crimson says. I shrug. _I don't like him. I'll be glad to see him dead._ Now I do sound like a Career. "We should start moving. The mountains would be good cover for some tributes. The sun will rise any second."

We turn and walk to the mountains. Sure enough, the sun rises within minutes. We take all our stuff and continue in our normal formation. Kendal shoots down a few birds and we quickly make a fire and roast them at the foothills of the towering mountains.

"Hungry?" Kendal asks me sarcastically as I wolf down on the leg of the wild bird she shot down.

"Very," I say. "Thanks."

"No problem." After an uneasy silence between us, she says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you."  
>"It's okay," I say. She still looks doubtful. "Trust me, it's okay. If we, by any chance, have to separate, do you have any idea who exactly you'd go with?"<p>

_Basically, do you trust me more than Crimson?_

"I think I have an idea," she says.

"Let's go," Xander says. "Snack time is over." We do as he says and move up the mountains. There are white caps at the top of the taller ones, but mostly are just lush and green. Eventually, the green fades into a rocky terrain, which then becomes covered in snow as we continue to ascend.

My legs hurt. We've been walking for three hours now. It's the late morning now. I smell the air to get an idea of my environment. It smells of fresh air, grass, and smoke. _Smoke!_ "Guys," I say quietly, but forcefully. "Smell the air!" They do and Crimson grins evilly. Almost as if it were planned, everyone pulls out his or her weapons. I silently hope we aren't going to plunge into Thalia's new camp, but I have to stay strong and remember that only one makes it out alive.

"That way," Layla says, pointing up towards a small cliff above our heads. Sure enough, small streams of smoke pour from the cliff. It's small, but now that we've noticed it we can attack like sharks.

"Move," Crimson orders quietly. We, as quietly as possible, move up the rocky path and veer off towards a more treacherous area. Whoever is hidden up here must be pretty smart. He or she moved off the beaten path to create a campsite.

"Just over this hill," Layla says. She's taken the front instead of Crimson. He follows her closely. I follow him, but Kendal stays close to me. _Why apologize and then follow me closer?_ Mallory stays behind her, head down and eyes waiting to burst into tears. Xander takes the back.

We climb over the hill and see a tent and a fire smoldering. "Tent?" I whisper quietly to the nearest person, who happens to be Kendal.

"Guess they did a good job at the Cornucopia," she whispers back.

"Or they have sponsors," Xander whispers as he leans over at us to look down at the campsite.

"How many do you think are here?" Kendal asks.

"One or two," Layla says. "The tent is too small for more."

"Let's check it out," Crimson says. We move quietly down to the tent. As we approach it, Crimson comes up with an idea, "Let's kick it over."

There must be some sick humor in that I'm not getting because Kendal, Xander, and Layla all smile and try to contain laughter. I play along, lost. Kendal and Layla untie the tent from its stakes and Crimson and Xander kick it over. No one is inside.

The footsteps move quickly. The large figure lunges at us and we're caught off guard. I recognize the figure as the show-off boy from 9. His name is Kale, I think. Kendal notches her bow and arrow, but Kale decks her. Crimson comes at him, but Kale sidesteps the attack and then whirls around as Layla comes at him. He ducks as Layla tries to swipe at him and she falls over his back. I take one of my spears and move towards him, but he anticipates an attack from behind. He grabs my spear and pulls at it, sending me flying into the broken tent.

Layla gets up and slashes at him a few times. He dodges every attack and then unsheathes his sword. Layla retreats, but Crimson and Xander move towards him. I secretly want Kale to finish them both off, but I know I can't let the others see this. Kendal still hasn't gotten up and Mallory isn't moving towards an attack at all.

I finally get up and run towards the fighting boys. Kale now holds my spear and a sword and jabs at Crimson, who is holding an obnoxiously large sword, as well as Xander, who circles Kale with his curved blade.

"Come on!" Crimson yells. "Make a move!" His taunting will get him killed one of these days. _I want to do it._

Kale throws the spear at Crimson and catches Xander off guard. He rams into Xander, knocks him off balance, and then drives the sword into Xander's chest. Layla runs at Kale, but Kale knocks her aside. Crimson has regained his sense and moves at Kale. Kale sidesteps Crimson once again and tries to stab him, but Crimson parries the strike. Xander is gasping for air. Finally, Kale knocks the hilt of Crimson's sword, forcing it out of his hand, and kicks Xander in the head with a _snap_. The cannon sounds and we know Xander is dead.

Crimson grabs his sword and exchanges blows with Kale for a bit. Layla charges Kale again, but Kale hasn't expected her to recover from his last hit to her. He sees just in time and pushes her, but Crimson manages to catch his sword arm and cuts it clean off. Mallory squeals in disgust. I see my spear on the ground and pick it up, ready to throw it at Kale. But I don't need to.

Crimson knocks Kale in the chest with his sword handle. Kale falls backwards off the edge of the cliff. He grabs Crimson's collar with his only hand, but Crimson spits in his face, forcing him off the edge. We rush to the edge to see what happened. The cannon goes off and I see the body lying there, mangled and bloody.

_Twelve left._


	21. Rapid Movement

The others seem so unaffected by Xander's death. _Why?_ Only Mallory and I seem to take caution with Crimson after he single-handedly destroyed Kale. We start to move towards the river to refill our water. I make simple conversation with Layla. She looks so similar to Juliana, it's uncanny. The real differences I see are the curves, because Layla is much more developed, as well as that fire in her eyes. Juliana lacks the flame that roars in Layla's brown eyes that intimidate me so.

"Where do you think 3 went off to?" she asks me. I realize she's talking about Thalia and I just shrug.

"Probably moved further into the forest," I guess. Layla nods. I'm wrong.

We reach the river as the sun wanes. It's crystal blue, like Mallory's eyes. We take off our jackets and start to fill up our canteens. Then I notice someone in the distance. It looks like that Desmond boy, who killed Vestia. I don't say anything but wait for he and his pack to approach.

They haven't noticed us.

Desmond walks away and the other boy they're with walks forward. He seems to be looking in our direction, but hasn't spotted us. _How is that possible?_ Layla looks up and her eyes zoom in on the boy in the distance.

"Crimson!" she calls towards him. "Look!" She points up at the boy, who is starting to move towards the river. He's kind of small, but has a rough, whisker-filled face.

"Hide!" Crimson orders. "We'll surprise him." We hide behind boulders at the river's bank as the boy reaches the river and beckons to the rest of his pack.

_Shit!_

Kendal moves over to me. I look to my other side briefly. Mallory is giving Kendal an evil look of jealousy, but Kendal hasn't noticed. "Are you going to do something this time?" she asks. I look her up and down. She's bruised from her brief encounter with Kale, but has pretty much made a recovery.

"What do you mean?" I ask. We're trying to stay quiet, but Crimson gives us dagger stares and we shut up for a moment.

"Are you going to actually try and win this?" she clarifies. "Will you kill this kid if he attacks you?"

"I tried to spear Kale," I say. When you put a name on these people, they're harder to kill.I guess they're no longer your prey. _Just people._

"That worked," she snorts. Crimson shoots her the evil eye and she actually shuts up this time. Layla nods at us and moves out her head a small amount. She puts up four fingers to tell us that there are four people at the river.

Then she lowers one finger and looks right at me and mimics a throat slicing. _She's going to kill Thalia._

"Go!" Crimson whispers loudly. We move out from behind the boulders and surprise the others. Desmond grabs a small little redheaded girl and carries her off. He must be protecting her. _I could never kill him._

Kendal loads up her bow and catches the small boy in the arm. He falls into the water. Desmond returns, but doesn't notice the girl is running after him. She obviously doesn't want him to die.

Thalia runs into the water as Layla moves towards the boy. "Lyson!" Thalia yells to the boy. That must be his name. _He's no longer prey._

Kendal tries to shoot down Thalia, but Thalia ducks out of the way of the arrow. Desmond takes Crimson head on. I survey the scene and realize Kendal is watching me. I take one of my spears and rush into battle. I throw a spear at Desmond, purposefully missing. Desmond doesn't pick up on this because he knocks Crimson down in the water and then comes at me. I step off into a deeper part of the water and start to swim away. Desmond is much larger than me.

He can't swim. Desmond can't swim so he steps back into the area where he can walk and wade. I feel safe enough to relax. I look over at Thalia, Lyson, and Layla. Lyson has a cut over his eye and is bleeding profusely. Layla slices at him, but he dodges it. Thalia is still wading towards him, still too far away from him.

I see the glint of the sun on Kendal's bow and cock my head to look at her shot. She's aimed straight at Thalia, who is moving too slowly. There's no way Kendal can miss. But Thalia trips. The arrow shoots over her head. Kendal moves into the water and reloads her bow.

Thalia still has not noticed Kendal. I want to scream for her to get out of the way, but I can't give myself away to the Careers yet. I'm not in strong enough of a position. I watch as Kendal pulls the bowstring back. Then the unexpected happens.

The roar reminds me of home. The sound of gushing water reminds me of those stormy nights spent watching the ocean from my window. I immediately know what is going to happen and gasp for every last bit of air.

Rapids.

The water turns a deadly white and the choppy waves move at us. Screams are muffled by gurgles and my world lurches downward. I can't see and I can't speak. I just hope that everything works out and I live.

I manage to catch a glimpse of what is going on. It's brief, but enough. We are moving downhill quickly in these rapids. I have not seen Mallory or Crimson, but Layla, Desmond, the redhead, Kendal, Thalia, and Lyson are all in view. They are struggling like I am. I go down under as someone lets out a terrible scream. The cannon booms and then I hear nothing but rushing water.

The water begins to slow up, but my body isn't slowing up. I break the surface again and see rocks in the way. Crimson has finally popped up, but he hits a rock and lay there, hopefully dead. But no cannon sounds. My foot catches a rock and I'm sent flying through the air, where I land on the rough riverbank in pain.

I try to stand, but end up crawling forward. I don't remember blacking out or anything, but the next thing I know, I'm in District 4 again.

_My mother's going through one of her screaming stages like she did when I was four. I cover my ears as she yells and pierces through my skin with her pained expression._

_ I start to scream to. I can't help it. We scream together, in harmony. Nothing can stop the screaming. I lose my voice and hardly any sound escapes from my throat, but I continue to scream. Nothing will stop me. My mother disappears from my view and I begin to fall._

_ I keep falling and then feel the breath escape me as I hit the ground with too much force._


	22. Sorrowful Separation

I slowly crawl to the water just two yards away. It feels like two hundred yards. I put my lips to the water and sip slowly. The dry taste in my mouth disappears. I look around for a second and catch my bearings. It's morning and I'm back in the forest and the lake is only at the end of the river, which I have just been thrown from.

_I'm alive._ I try to stand, but my leg screams in pain. I look down. No broken bones, just purple bruises. Then I hear a _thud_. I look next to me as a silver parachute falls, bearing something I hope will help me. I open the canister and find a salve inside.

I rub the salve on my bruises and immediately feel a rushing sensation that tingles my bones. The salve has successfully masked the pain in my leg. I take off some more of my clothes until I'm in my underwear. I rub some more of the salve on my other bruises and feel the same numbing sensation.

"Thank you," I say, my throat is still a little too dry. I put my clothes back on and continue drinking from the river. After a few minutes, I stand up. I have no more supplies to hold onto. No weapons. I walk down the riverbank towards the lake.

That's when I see them. Mallory is laying on the edge of the riverbank, eyes shut. Kendal lays just a few yards from her. I rush over to Mallory and wake her up. She smiles up at me and asks, "Am I awake yet or is this still a dream?"

"You're awake," I say.

"Why are you waking me up?" she asks. "I like the dream world better. It's safer."

"Not when you're a sitting target," I say. "I think it's time to separate."

"I don't know where Jace and Savannah are though," she says.

"But Thalia is here," I urge her.

"Where?" I look around. Nowhere in sight.

"Nearby," I'm desperate to convince her.

"Let me collect my thoughts for a few seconds," she says. I stand up and walk around as Mallory closes her eyes and puts her hands to her head. She's still lying down, but I can tell she's in pain.

Then Kendal wakes up. I hear her soft moaning and, with curiosity, I move towards her. She's managed to hold onto her bow and arrow, which lay a little farther away. I lean over her and she opens her eyes up fully. Kendal grins at me and grabs my head, pulling me into a deep, passionate kiss.

I can't say I didn't enjoy it, but I didn't expect it. I help her up and she whispers softly in my ear, "I love you." Then I hear a soft _thud_ and she looks at me in shock. Blood foams from her mouth while her frame goes limp in my arms. _Boom! _The cannon has decided her fate. I lay her on the ground, take the arrow from her back, and look for the shooter.

I hear the shooter yell before I can find them, "Hands off him, bitch!" _Mallory._

"Why'd you kill her?" I ask. It's not that I'm surprised, but I'm caught off guard.

"Because you need to go home," she says. "You need to go home to Juliana and I can't let that _thing _stop that from happening."

"You care too much for me," I say. In truth, I'm not all too sure if I want to go home to Juliana anymore. Mallory has risked her life for me and I don't want her to leave me forever. Then there's Thalia who I can't bare to see dead.

"What does that mean?" she asks.

"It means you should fight for yourself," I say. I move closer to her and say quietly, "It means that I don't want to return home to Juliana."

"What?" she whispers furiously. "I risk my life for you two and this is how you repay me?"

"Mallory, I'm sorry."

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Sterling."

"It's not that I want to die. It's just that, well, I love-"

"Save it!" she interrupts. "I don't want to hear it any longer."

"We have to find Thalia," I say louder so that the audience doesn't grow more suspicious.

"No," Mallory says. "I think we should search for Jace and Savannah. They're probably on the other side of the arena. Thalia could be dead for all we know. Those rapids were strong. You saw Crimson."  
>"I don't know if he's dead though," I argue. "Mallory, this is ridiculous."<p>

"Then we'll go our separate ways," she says. "No use sticking to each other with less than half of us alive."

"So this is it?" I ask.

"Goodbye," she says. She doesn't wait around for a kiss or anything, but disappears into the woods. I look down and see the bow and quiver of arrows lying on the ground. I smile because I know Mallory still wants me to live through this.

I pick up the bow and sling the quiver over my back and track farther down the riverbank. I see a shallow part of the river and quickly cross to the other side and continue to move through the forest. The whole time I think of Mallory and her life-risking decision to volunteer for Juliana.

_Maybe I was wrong_. Maybe I do want to return to Juliana. Or maybe I really want Mallory to live. _She's so young._ She's only a year younger than me. But she has so much left in front of her. _What kind of monster am I to stop her?_ But I'm not at fault.

_Jasper is._

I trudge onward until I see someone struggling. It's the small redhead. I approach cautiously because I notice the spear in her hand. Then I realize that the spear is broken, but she still has the sharp end. I recognize the spear immediately. _My spear._

"Looking for Desmond?" I ask. She whirls around, bringing her arm back to throw the spear. "Whoa, I'm not going to hurt you." She lowers her arm slightly, but still keeps it up a tiny bit. "I'm looking for Thalia. We agreed to team up once enough of the Careers were gone. Maybe she's with Desmond." The girl nods. She looks like Neville, nine years old, but I know she's twelve. "What's your name?" I ask her.

"Lilac," she says.

"I'm Sterling," I say, putting out my hand.

"You're pretty," she says as she shakes my hand.

"You too," I say, chuckling a bit. We continue on through the forest and then the forest suddenly changes. The air has become heavier and thicker. We walk in silence because I can tell she's worried about Desmond and I'm worried sick about whether or not Crimson and Layla survived.

Crimson is probably dead. But Layla? She could be walking right behind us. _Or slitting Mallory's throat._

I try to drive Mallory from my mind, but she keeps coming back to me. I know that she'll probably find Jace and Savannah, if they're alive. I think over our parting. It was so awkward and aggressive. I never got a chance to say what I really wanted to.

_I love you._


	23. Jungle of Doubt

We stumble upon Desmond and Thalia quite by accident. As Lilac and I moved through the jungle, which is what the forest has become, we heard loud bird chirps. Then I looked through the trees, focusing on the distance, to see where the loud chirps were coming from. That's when I saw three tributes running from something. One of the tributes tripped and whatever was chasing them, which looked like a giant vulture, swooped down and impaled her with its beak.

"Keep moving," I said as the cannon sounded. She's dead now.

Now as we move through the hot, sticky jungle, I look off constantly to see if any vulture birds are chasing us, but none seem to want to follow us. The bird _muttations_, or mutts as we call them, must have returned to their hiding place.

Lilac is slightly in front of me and makes the mistake that ultimately causes us to meet up with Desmond and Thalia. She doesn't notice the thin rope on the ground and trips the wire then springs a net. We are sucked into the air and I immediately take her spear and begin to saw at the netting.

"What did we catch?" I hear a gruff voice ask. I look below and see someone stepping out into view.

"Desmond!" Lilac cries. Desmond looks up in shock and cuts the rope holding the net to the tree with his sword. We fall to the ground, but Lilac doesn't care. She gives him a big hug.

"Where's Thalia?" I ask.

"Right here," she says. I turn around and sure enough, Thalia is standing right there. She looks like she's gotten a few bruises. I pull the salve out of the pocket in my jacket and rub some of it on the bruises along her arm.

"That's nice," she says as I rub I move to her neck.

"Where'd these come from?" I ask.

"Layla," she says. "We had a small encounter after the rapids subsided."

"So she's alive?" I ask, just to be sure.

"Very much so," she says. "Unfortunately." After a few more minutes of rubbing the salve into her skin, Thalia asks, "Where's Mallory?"

"We parted ways," I say. I think Thalia senses the grimace in my voice because she touches my arm. "She wanted to look for Jace and Savannah and I wanted to look for you." Then it dawns on me. I turn towards Lilac and say, "Those three tributes we saw get attacked must have been Jace, Savannah, and Mallory. Which one died?"

"There's a girl named Mina with them," Desmond says. "Could have been her." He doesn't sound okay. Then I see the nasty bruise on his throat. That explains the gruffness in his voice. I hand him the tub with the salve and he rubs some on his throat. "That feels much better. Thanks."

"Then Mallory must still be looking for them," I think aloud.

"We can look for them," Thalia says. "Team up with them."

"But won't we have to separate later?" Lilac asks.

"We can worry about that when the time comes," Thalia says. I nod in agreement and we continue through the jungle. "There's a lake on this side too. It's not as big, but it's fresh water."

"Then let's go," I say. We trudge through the dangerous woods. I listen to mockinjays sing their tunes and I begin to hum, and then sing. Thalia gives me odd looks at first, but, if I can say so myself, I have a pretty good voice. The mockingjays quiet down and then play my tune back to me. I kind of find myself enjoying this sick twisted arena for the time being.

Lilac enjoys my singing too. Desmond doesn't show any emotion towards it, but I don't really mind. He'll be dead by the end of the week and I'll be alive. The sun has reached its peak in the sky when we reach the thickest bunch of trees I've ever seen.

"The lake's behind these trees," Thalia says. We nod and keep up the hard work, cutting through branches. The prize of water will outweigh any issues because my lips are cracking and I can tell they're turning pale. Another sign tells me we're close.

I should have sponsors on sponsors so if Zelda and Leon aren't sending me any water, I _have _to be close. As Thalia said, we make our way out from the thick barricade of trees and into a small clearing with a lake at the end.

As if we're not even participating in a bloodthirsty competition of death, the four of us sprint to the lake and strip off our jackets and jump into the water. Desmond stays in the shallow area near the bank because he can't swim while the rest of us swim around. I take sips of the water and start to breaststroke. _This could be my last time swimming._ Who knew I missed it this much?

But of course, no happiness can last for long in the arena. I feel kind of stupid for not thinking that something dangerous could hide in these waters, but then again, I was so drunk with the thought of a lake that the idea didn't even come to mind.

Desmond goes under for a second and then comes up again, yelling for help. Being the fastest swimmer, I rush over, but stop dead in my tracks as I watch a pool of red water grow from him as he's pulled under again.

"Out of the water!" I yell to Thalia and Lilac. They look bewildered so I add, "Now!" They scramble out of the water and I start to move away too. If these fish mutts are anything like what I think they are then there's no helping Desmond. But one of the fish bites onto my leg and I scream in pain. I feel woozy, but keep swimming forward.

Thalia helps me out of the water and I look at the fish attached to my foot. It's bright silver and has red fangs, now covered in my blood, with some kind of green liquid coating it. _Poison._ I remove the piranha-thing from my leg. I look towards the lake and watch as Desmond screams in agony. He descends below the surface of the green water and only bubbles rise up. The cannon booms and I pass out again.

By the time I wake up, I see that the wound has been treated properly. The sun is nearly set and I raise my head. My temples shudder with every movement, but I have to survey my surroundings. Thalia is watching me intently. "Are you okay?" she asks.

"I don't know," I say. "Am I?"

"A parachute dropped seconds after you passed out," she says. "It seems that someone wants to keep you alive because it was medicine for poisonous bites. I put it on for you."  
>I look over at Lilac, who is sleeping. "How's she doing?" I ask.<p>

"Not well," Thalia says. "Desmond was like her brother."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I would put her out of her misery, but I'm not that cruel."

I look over at Thalia. I think she's joking, but she's dead serious. I chuckle a little bit. "That wasn't meant to be funny," she says, starting to crack a small smile. "I'm serious!"

Lilac moves a little bit and then lifts up her head. "We should start moving," she says. Something has died in her eyes. We begin to move away from the lake. I don't want to fill up Desmond's canteen, which was conveniently located in his jacket pocket, because the water is tainted with his blood.

We start to move towards the field of tall grass in the distance. As we reach the edge of the jungle, I look over at Thalia and Lilac and smile. We begin to sprint towards out of this jungle from hell.

Then the grounds swallows Lilac.


	24. Just Forget It

The cannon booms and Thalia screams in horror. The ground drops out just next to her. I look down and feel the ground beneath me begin to shudder. I jump as it drops out. It seems that these black holes just open up. We sprint forward, trying our best to avoid the black holes. Lilac is long gone. We make our way to the field of tall grass and keep running until we reach these shallow pools of dark blue water. The sun has set and the anthem blares.

Thalia and I lie down in the grass and stare up at the sky. Kendal's picture lights up the sky, followed by that girl Mina from 5, and then Desmond and, finally, Lilac. Thalia lets out a choked sob. I put my arm around her and say, "It's okay. Shh. It's okay." I don't think anything I say will help her. Thalia obviously cared for the two District 7 tributes.

"I'm fine," she finally says. "We should get some sleep." We look around for a place to hide out. Behind one of the pools of water is a collection of boulders. There's a small cave built from the formation the boulders make. We squeeze in there and pass out together.

As the sun rises, I look outside. The sun over the grass looks so beautiful. Too bad the idea of this beauty is immediately marred by the fact that it's inside of this hellhole of an arena. I look down at the pools of water and see my reflection. There are about twenty of these small pools all in a row.

I look back down, but my reflection has disappeared. My mother clasps her hands over her ears and screams silently. That's what I see. I yell in fright. Thalia sits bolt upright. "What's wrong?" she demands.

I point to the water. _What was that?_ She looks down and says, "It's only a reflection pool." I shake my head and she looks back down. She jumps back too, but doesn't yell. "What the hell?" she screams.

I move to the next pool and look inside. A face stares up at me, but it's older. I realize it's my father's face. He looks to the side and his eyes widen as an albino crocodile suddenly jumps on him and claws at him. I look away in fright.

Each of the pools shows something different, something scary. One of them shows Mallory hanging from a tree. Another shows Juliana covered in blood. I try my best not to cry. Thalia and I run away from the field and through the open clearing, past the Cornucopia. A cannon booms, but I ignore it. We keep running until we finally collapse at the edge of the forest.

Screams and yelling bring me back into the real world. I look around because I recognize one of the voices. _Mallory._

Sure enough, Mallory and Jace streak past us and keep running. More voices approach. I recognize Crimson's voice instantly. _He's alive? _I don't need to tell Thalia to run too. We're unarmed because we left our weapons in the field, which was stupid of us. A knife sails over my head and embeds itself in a tree. Thalia yanks it out and holds onto it. Very smart.

We reach the foothills of the mountains and begin climbing. Layla and Crimson are catching up with us. I look ahead and see that Mallory and Jace are already climbing up one of the mountains far ahead of us. I suddenly have an idea. I begin to angle my run and tug Thalia along. We move towards the jungle side of the mountains, away from Layla and Crimson.

Then I hear the loudest explosion ever.

I look up immediately and find that the mountain that Jace and Mallory are climbing is actually a volcano, with lava pouring down at lightning speed. Layla and Crimson have already turned away, but I am paralyzed in fear as the lava gains on Jace and Mallory.

Thalia can't hold me back as I run after them. "Mallory!" I cry. "Mallory! Run!" She can't hear me, I know that, but it makes me feel better to reassure her. "Mallory! Faster! Come on!" My voice begins to falter but I have enough breath to yell, "I love you!"

She hears me. I guess I'm close enough because she smiles at me and begins to say something, but trips over a boulder jutting out of the ground and the lava gets the chance it needs. Jace stops to help her up, but then the lava surges forward. Thalia tackles me to the ground and won't let me up.

"Get off me!" I yell.

"No!" she yells. The lava doesn't bother to come near us. Either we're not targets or we're not in its path. She finally gets off me after I tire from my thrashing. "Sterling," she says softly. "Don't look. Just forget it."

I don't listen. I get up and walk over to where the lava was. Jace's body is burnt beyond recognition. I grab the sword from his sheath and his cannon fires and I move away as a hovercraft collects the body.

Then I see her just a short distance away. I run to Mallory, who is burnt badly too. Her chest is moving heavily. "Mallory," I say. "Mallory, I love you." She grabs my hand and whispers something, but I can't hear her. "Mallory, don't leave me. You can't leave me!" But she won't listen. _You can't leave me. Ever._ Her chest slows its movement. I feel a hand on my shoulder, but I don't snap out of my somber mood.

"Sterling," Thalia's soothing voice says. "Sterling, there's nothing you can do."

"No!" I yell. "I can!"

Mallory moves her mouth and I lean close to hear her. I can hardly make out what she says, but I think she says, "Win. For me. For you. I love-" _Boom!_ I feel my heart cleave in two and I fall forward, on top of Mallory, refusing to let any hovercraft take her away from me.

"Sterling," Thalia keeps saying to get my attention. "Sterling, you can't stay there forever. You have to move on. She would want you to." I want to yell and scream and cry and kick and punch and kill. But I sigh. I wipe my nose and eyes and take her twin daggers. I plant one last kiss on Mallory's cold, lifeless lips and get up. I turn away and never look back.

_"You have to move on. She would want you to." _I know she would.


	25. Survival of the Fittest

When Mallory's image projects in the sky, all I can do is ignore it. The cannon I heard while running from the reflection pools must have been Savannah's. I wonder how she died. Thalia volunteers to take first watch and I don't argue. Only when I wake up, it's morning.

"That's unfair," I say. "You can't let me sleep all night."

"It's okay," she says. "I'm not tired."

"Lay down your head for a little bit," I say. She shakes her head. "For me?"

She nods and puts her head in my lap and closes her eyes for an hour or two. But the booming voice of the new announcer startles us both. "Tributes!" he says. "There is a feast available for you at noon this afternoon. Fabulous presents will be waiting for you all at the Cornucopia. Don't miss this chance. That is all."

"What do you think?" Thalia asks.

"I think they want to bring this all to an end," I say hollowly. "And I think it's time." Thalia nods and we make our way towards the Cornucopia. It must be approaching noon because the sun is almost perfectly straight in the sky.

"What's the plan?" Thalia asks.

"One of us goes in first," I say. "After we get our gifts, we will have to separate."

"I'll go in first," she says. "You'll need time to think everything over."

"Okay," I agree. We wait by the bushes near the opening, watching the Cornucopia for something. Layla and Crimson are somewhere around here, doing the same thing. They are planning to end this too.

I look at Thalia and her electric blue eyes never cease to dazzle me. _How do they glow like that?_ I desperately need a distraction from Mallory's death and I guess Thalia is it. Thalia laughs as I desperately try to string the bow we found on the ground on our way over here. I'm really not much of an archer.

As the sun reaches its peak, a table rises from the ground. It sits at the mouth of the Cornucopia, silently awaiting its prey. I see my bag, a large light green one, labeled with a 4. Thalia and I look at each other one last time. After this, we're alone. Then she kisses me.

"Good luck," she says as she sprints forward. Her bag is much smaller than mine and labeled with a 3. It should be easier for her to grab-and-go. _She kissed me! _She knows I'm still mourning Mallory, yet kisses me. _Is this some sort of sick plan?_ But she laid her head in my lap this morning. And she's been my shoulder to lean on. _Thalia loves me._

Suddenly, the huge mass of man that is Crimson speeds at her.

_Where is Layla?_

Thalia dodges Crimson's lunge and kicks him in the face as he twists and falls. She scoops up her bag in one arm and moves forward. Crimson stands up, his eyes blazing.

She dodges him again and I surge towards my bag. It's very large and heavier than I expected. I try carrying it under my arm, but I realize I have to unzip it and take whatever it is out. I take those precious few seconds to unwrap this generous gift.

The silver trident reflects the light of the sun. I smile and raise it in joy. I turn to see Crimson coming at me, his eyes laced with bags and a redness that shows he hasn't slept in days. He's gone insane. But then he lurches to the side and jerks uncontrollably. Thalia lowers the crossbow that just killed him. We smile at each other and let out a small, nervous laugh.

Then the spear rips through her chest. I gasp as Thalia falters to her knees and looks up at me, pain tearing through her eyes. Then she falls over, dead.

I scream in anger and chase after her clever killer, my only rival left, Layla. She sprints towards the forest. I pick up the sword Crimson dropped, sheath it, and move faster. Layla has gotten a substantial lead on me, but I don't slow down. But then pain erupts in my leg. Layla, that clever bitch, hid and has just stabbed me.

I don't yell out or anything, but channel the pain into hatred as I throw my trident at her. It grazes her shoulder and she winces, but sprints forward. I reclaim my beautiful trident and throw it again. This time in rips a whole in the back of her hand and she yells so loud that the mockingjays stop singing all together.

"I'm going to kill you!" I yell after her when I yank the trident out from the tree that it landed it. I know she's frightened and I think I've finally cracked. Images replay in my head as I follow her. I see Crimson strangle the boy from 5. I see Vestia slice Neville. I see Kale kick Xander in the head. I see Kale's mangled body. I see Kendal go frail in my arms. I see Desmond fall prey to the fish mutts. I see Lilac fall through the ground. I see Jace's body, which I could hardly recognize. I see Mallory's beautiful skin marred by the lava. I see Crimson jerk to the side and seize. I see Thalia fall to her knees. Lastly, I see myself raising my trident in triumph.

Layla slows down because she's winded. She finally turns and takes me head on. I tackle her and we scramble for the knives she just dropped. My trident is just a few feet away, but out of reach. Layla's making sure I can't reach it.

I kick out and catch her in the shoulder. I scramble for a knife and swing it at her. I catch her in the arm and she yells out in pain. Layla manages to kick me in the face and I feel the warm blood trickle down over my lips. I lick up the metallic-tasting blood and jump on her.

We tumble around some more. She gets her hands on a knife and drives it into my chest. I kick out and manage to push her off me. I remove the knife from my chest, which starts to bleed profusely. I throw the knife at her, but she ducks out of the way and continues running, picking up the knife I've just thrown.

I take up my trident and follow her. I don't try to stop the blood from flowing from my chest wound because this will be over soon enough. Either I'll be bleeding in more places than just there or I'll be aboard a Republic, or rather Capitol, hovercraft, getting it patched up.

Suddenly, Layla stops running and tries to keep her balance. Maybe there are more black holes. But this is my chance. I bring my arm back and hurl the trident. Layla has finally regained her balance and turns around towards me. She moves out of the way of the trident, but loses her blanace and falls. I run towards her and see that she has fallen into a hole.

But I see the bottom of the hole. There is water ten feet below me, but needle-like rocks spike up. One of the spikes has ripped through her body and another through her head. _Boom!_

I fall to my knees as trumpets blare. "Ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer booms, "may I present to you the First Victor of the Hunger Games, Sterling Odair!"

_I guess victory is in my blood._


	26. Fearful Dreams

The first thing I do once I'm aboard the fancy hovercraft that has reclaimed me from the arena is pass out. I do this willingly because I'm so physically and emotionally drained. The next thing I see when I open my eyes is the white ceiling above me and the bag of intravenous solution sitting on a pole next to the bed I'm in.

"Our prince is awake," Zelda says. I look over at her and smile. "You did it." She's ecstatic.

"So it really happened?" I ask, the heavy medicine taking a toll on my thought process. She nods. "So Mallory really is dead?" Zelda shifts uncomfortably. _Mallory is gone._

"You should rest a bit more," Zelda says. I nod and close my eyes. I'm out before I can process that fact that I will never see Mallory's beautiful face ever again.

_I run with Thalia through the forest. Evil mutts chase us. The mutts have the bodies of tigers, but have the heads of various tributes. Crimson stares daggers at me. Kale's battered face creeps on me. I catch the sight of Layla, bloody and broken, stalking after the others, waiting to make a move._

_ "We have to hurry!" Thalia yells to me. "We need to get away from them!"_

_ "How?" I ask._

_ "Follow me!" she says. We move through the forest and, out of nowhere, end up in a cave._

_ I look around and say, "The coast is clear."_

_ "Is it?" she asks. I whirl around and, sure enough, Thalia has turned into a tiger mutt. As she approaches me, she taunts, "This is your fault. You only have yourself to blame." I try to run away, but the rest of the tributes block the way._

_ They close in on me and all I can scream is, "Mallory!" Then I see her in the back, waiting for them to finish. "Help me!" I yell to her as they tear me limb from limb._

_ "You didn't help me," she suddenly says. "You let me die."_

_ "No!" I let out a strangled cry. Then Crimson rips out my throat._

I wake up in a sweat, bolt upright. "Are you okay?" Zelda asks. I turn to my side and she's still sitting there. "You were yelling in your sleep."

"I just need to go home," I say. It's true. I can't keep my mind off of returning back to my mother, Damian, Liam, and Juliana. _Oh no. What will Juliana think?_ I try to shake the thoughts of _her_ from my mind, but I can't. She overpowers everyone else.

When we arrive at the Remake Center, which is a building across from the Training Center, Mohawk, Vixen, and Nia tear me apart with questions. "What was it like?" I was feared for me life. "What was it like killing Layla?" Relieving. "I nearly cried after Mallory died, how could you handle it?" I didn't answer this one. _I'm still not handling it._

"Can we talk about something else," I say. Vixen pouts as he fixes up some scar tissue on my face. Nia, who is currently putting some oily substance on my arms and chest rubs my hand affectionately and reassures me with a nod. _Thank you, Nia._ Mohawk washes my legs in a similar, much more putrid, substance. _What it takes to be beautiful._

"Very little damage," Mohawk says. "Relatively speaking," she adds. I nod in agreement. The injury to my leg cleared up pretty well. I have a large scar on my chest from where Layla got me. I didn't realize it until now, but if she stabbed me any deeper, she would have impaled my heart. _I don't really need much of that anymore._

"Are you ready for tonight?" Vixen asks.

"Yes," I say.

"Caesar Flickerman used to be the best interviewer," Vixen says, trying to make small talk. "Snow thought he had something to do with the Rebellion back during the Revolution though. Silly idea, in my opinion."

"Snow killed him?" I ask.

"Oh yes," Vixen says. "Kind of sad, I know. But life goes on, I guess." _Easy for you to say._

When they finish with me, I am so relieved to have alone time with Zelda. She gives me a big hug and before we exchange any words. "I hope you're ready for tonight," she says. "I designed something I think you'd like. It's simple, but demands attention"

_She did._

Zelda unzips the garment bag in her hand. She pulls out a shiny green shirt, like my eyes, and a pair of black pants. Then she takes out a black necktie with gold bands in it. I put it on and smile. I'm happy at last.

Zelda pulls out a flashlight and shines the white beam on me. The necktie glows and small gold waves glitter on my pants and shirt. I didn't notice them before. "Beautiful," I say.

"I thought you'd like it," she says.

"Just remember that they have nothing on you," she says. "You're your own person."

"Jasper wanted me dead," I suddenly say. She nods solemnly. "You knew?" I ask.

"I had a suspicion," she says. "I voted for Paylor in the election, but that's besides the point. The point is that as soon as he brought the Hunger Games back and he announced your name, I was sure that he was out to get you. Before Jasper ran for president, he prided himself on his extreme views on how to treat victors. He obviously does not like victors."

"Then why bring the Games back?" I ask.

"To let the victors know that they're still not free," she says. After a silence, she says, "I knew your father."

"You did?" I ask. "How?"  
>"He was about four years older than you when we first met," she tells me. "He was very handsome and young, a bit like yourself. He had that same twinkle in his eyes and the same, well, everything. I was a Capitol citizen and my husband had considerable influence with some businesses that worked with President Snow. My husband asked me for advice often and Snow figured out that to get to him, he'd have to find a way to me."<p>

"I'm not sure I'm following," I say.

"Snow promised me something in return for my husband's business pledge," Zelda tries to explain. "He promised me…He gave me…He-"

"What is it?" I ask, growing a tad impatient.

"He promised me your father," she says.

"My father?" I ask. Then I realize. Finnick Odair was the Capitol's private prostitute and President Snow was his pimp. Zelda was a rich, powerful lady. Naturally Finnick Odair wooed her. Am I caught off guard a bit? Yes. Am I surprised? Not really. "Oh," I manage to say.

"I'm sorry," she starts to apologize. "I shouldn't have said that. That was stupid."

"It's okay," I say. "My father told Panem all he had to offer about President Snow. I guess it was payback. I don't really care what he did; he doesn't affect me anymore. Well, he never really has." _And I hate him for it._

"You shouldn't be that hard on him," Zelda says. "He was a great man."  
>"Just because you slept with my father doesn't mean that you really knew him," I spit out. Her face swallows itself a bit and a shameful look creeps into her expression. <em>Shit, what have I said?<em> "I'm sorry," I apologize. "I didn't mean it like that." _But I did._ "He was a great man. I just get sensitive when I talk about him." Silence. I finally break it, "So I'm gonna go get prepped for tonight with Leon. I'll see you later."

I leave Zelda, who just sits there, thinking.

_Do I really hate my father?_

No, I don't.


	27. Epiphany

Watching the Games condensed into three hours is no easy feat. I give props to whoever shortens the Games because this is ridiculous. I try my best to act like I'm paying attention because I try not to watch my fellow tributes die. It's hard to believe that a week ago, these kids were so full of life and energy. Two weeks ago, they were laughing with their friends back home and having a good time. Now they're all dead. _And it's my fault_.

Watching Xander's neck snap or Kale's spine break makes me want to gag. There are some deaths, though, that I never saw before. For instance, Savannah stepped into this mud that actually was like quicksand. Jace and Mallory also fell in it, but they managed to get out alive. Savannah was sucked in because she struggled too much. I kind of feel sorry for her.

Mallory's death is painful to watch again. This time I actually see it happen. After Jace went back to help Mallory, the stream of lava picked up speed. Thalia tackled me and Jace threw Mallory forward to save her life, but it was no use. Jace was run-over by the stream and Mallory couldn't outrun it. She slowed down and the lava moved over her, burning her to death. Only she wasn't burnt as badly as Jace.

I watch myself kiss her and prepare for the feast that ended the Hunger Games. Sure enough, I watch Thalia shoot the crossbow and catch Crimson in the trachea. Then I see Layla bring the spear back during my uncomfortable laughter with Thalia. Then Layla kills Thalia and I chase after Layla until she falls to her death in the spikes below her as I throw my trident at her.

"That was a spectacular Games," Ziggy Silvan says. I try to give him my best smile. "How does it feel to be a victor?"  
>"Fantastic," I try to sound as enthusiastic as ever.<p>

"What was it like in there?" Ziggy asks. "Please explain to our lovely audience."

"Have you ever done something wrong before?" I ask Ziggy. He nods puzzidly. "You know that adrenaline feeling you get when you're nervous after doing something wrong or anything along those lines?" He nods more reassuringly. "Well imagine that, but for five days straight. It was kind of unnerving waiting for those cannons to boom. With each cannon I was a step closer to returning home."

"Speaking of home, what do you plan on doing as soon as you get there?"

"Sleep," I say. Everyone laughs. "No, I plan on greeting my lovely mother and telling her I love her. Mom, if you're watching, which I'm pretty sure it's mandatory to do, just know that I miss you."

The audience lets out a collective "aw" and I top it off with a small blush that is part real and part forced. Don't ask me how I manage to do that, I'm just talented I guess.

"And what about your Juliana?" he asks. "How are things going to work now?"

"I'm not really sure," I answer honestly. "I guess I'll see how things go."

Ziggy is unhappy with my answer because he presses, "Well you had quite the fan club among tributes. Those girls from Districts 1 and 3 were smitten by your charm. And you did confess your love to your fellow district mate." _Fellow district mate? _Giving her a name would make her a person, not an animal like the Capitol wanted her to be.

"Mallory was something special," I say. "I saved her from a drunken attacker years ago and we've always had an odd connection since. I never saw her as a lover or anything." _Lies._ "She was like a sister. I loved her like a sister." I need to repeat myself to make sure that everyone understands these lies. _I loved her as a lover, not a sister._

"I see," Ziggy seems convinced. "So do you think this will change things back home?"

"I hope not," I say. I'm not sure if that's true either. Do I really want to return to Juliana? _Maybe._ "I'm not sure if she'll be into me anymore."

"If that's the case, who here wants to go on a nice date with the newest Hunger Games victor?" Thousands of ladies in the crowd scream. I try to quiet them down, but it takes a while.

"I guess there would be a few takers," I joke after enough of the rowdy crowd quiets down.

"I guess there would," Ziggy says. He suddenly changes the subject, "What do you think your father would say if he were alive today?"

"He wouldn't be proud," I say. "The Games ruined his life, twice. First for himself and then for his love." I mean my mother, of course. "Now he would have had to watch them ruin his son. I'm not saying that the Games will ruin me totally, but it's bound to leave some impression on me. It's left one on every victor I've ever met, which is quite a few."

"I understand," Ziggy says. "But you don't think he'd be at all proud of his son?"

"I guess he would," I give in. "He'd be glad to see me again. Instead of going through life staring in a mirror looking for me, he could be able to look at me face-to-face and smile. He'd be able to have a conversation with the real me, not just his reflection." I realize that I'm not talking about him anymore. _I'm referring to myself._ "Finnick Odair was a great man, even if he happened to know half the ladies in the crowd on a personal level." Hysterical laughter spurts up from the crowd.

"That's very funny," Ziggy says. "Well that's all the time we have now, Sterling. Thank you so much for your time."  
>"It was a pleasure," I lie.<p>

"Ladies and gentlemen, Sterling Odair, the victor of the First Hunger Games!" We stand and he raises my arm in triumph. I smile at the crowd and see one teenage girl in the front row screaming, so I give her a wink.

I'm proud of me and I'm sure my mother is, despite her mental state. _Does that mean my father would be too?_


	28. Conversations of Love and Betrayal

After the interview, there's the Crowning Ceremony. I sit in the throne that the victor should sit in and President Jasper comes out. He picks up a fancy silver crown from a red pillow and I'm supposed to kneel before him as he places it on my head. Begrudgingly, my legs bend and I'm kneeling before the man I hate the most.

When I stand back up, he gives me a hard handshake and then leans in close to me and says quietly, "Enjoy this, Sterling. Things may get rough."

_Just you wait, President Jasper. Just you wait._

I return to the Training Center one last time and pack up my belongings. I twist my father's wedding band on my finger, which has still never been removed. I don't think I'll ever take it off. Well, maybe I will. Leon greets me in the living room as I take some of the belongings I choose to take with me, such as the silver parachute that the salve showed up in. The Gamemakers, as the First Hunger Games victor, has allowed me to take my trident home with me. Even though I don't want any reminders of the bloodshed, I need to take it home because it reminds me of my father's trident.

"It's beautiful," Leon remarks as I try to fit it in a bag.

"Yeah," I agree.

"Let's get going," Leon says.

"Where's Zelda?" I ask.

"She said she couldn't make it," Leon tells me. "She'll see you before the Victory Tour, but she wanted you to know that she's sorry for what she said and that she's very proud of you. What exactly did she say?"

"Something about my father," I answer vaguely and quickly rush to the elevator. He has just enough common sense to understand that it's a touchy subject and follows me.

The train ride out of the Republic, sorry, Capitol, seems shorter. I guess I'm too busy sulking in the thoughts of my fellow tributes to really pay attention to anything else. The Hunger Games has become an evil blur to me and I'm kind of glad I don't have to enter the arena anymore. _I hope._ My father did enter it twice.

_Both times he survived._ Would I?

I step off the train when we've pulled into District 4 and I am immediately overwhelmed by the sheer size of the crowd waiting to greet me. I wave to them all and smile. I look over to my right, where my mother is waiting with Johanna, Katniss, and Peeta. _They've come too!_

"Good work," Peeta claps me on the back when I go over to them.

"Great job," someone says. I turn around and Damian comes over to me. He gives me a big hug and says, "I never doubted you for a second." Damian's father congratulates me and shakes my hand. Even Liam comes over and says something nice.

"Where's Juliana?" I ask Damian while everyone converses with each other.

"I'll talk to you later," Damian says. He looks over at Liam, who is deep in conversation with Peeta, and then looks back at me. I understand what he's saying. _Juliana didn't appreciate my kisses with Kendal, Mallory, and Thalia._

When everything's subsided, I make my way back home. Damian joins my mother, Johanna, Katniss, Peeta, and I as we have a small celebration in my house. While the adults talk, Damian and I go outside and talk. "What's wrong?" I ask.

"When Kendal first kissed you," Damian explains, "Juliana got a bit upset. But you looked like you didn't enjoy it, so that was good. She got over it. But then when Mallory killed Kendal and said something about her getting her hands off of you, Juliana got all steamed up again."  
>"I didn't mean to hurt her," I say. <em>What am I saying?<em> There's no way this wouldn't have hurt her.

"She was fine until you yelled 'I love you' at Mallory," Damian says. "Juliana walked away from the television and started to cry. I would have gone to comfort her, but Liam got up first. He coaxed her into continuing to watch. The second Thalia kissed you and you seemed to like it, Juliana ran away hysterical. Liam went after her again, only this time they didn't come back for a while."

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"I think they have something going on now," he says. "I'm not positive, but I've seen the way they act around each other now. There's something."

"Did you ever talk to Juliana about it?" I ask.

"No."

"Well what can I say to her?"

"Tell her the truth," Damian tells me. "It's the best way."

"Do I tell her about Mallory and I?" I ask. "We had something going on after the Reaping. It wasn't as small as before."

"What do you mean?" he asks. The expression on my face is enough of an answer. He quickly says, "If you want Juliana back, I wouldn't recommend it." I nod. "She's not going to be very forgiving of that. Just tell her that Mallory made this huge impression on you because she risked her life to save Juliana and got herself killed for your relationship."

The following afternoon, it's pretty dark out. A storm is definitely coming. Out of the blue, I decide to go to Juliana's.

She opens the door at the third knock and immediately tries to close it. "No," I say, stopping the door.

"Go away," she says. I do the exact opposite and let myself inside.

"We need to talk," I say. Juliana starts to walk away, but I catch her arm. "Juliana, we need to talk."

She sits down on a couch in the living room. She looks absolutely beautiful with her soft brown hair perfectly straight and her chocolate brown eyes glistening in the dim light. "What do you want?" she asks me straightforwardly.

"I'm sorry," I start off and she rolls her eyes. "Don't roll your eyes. I never intended on _any_ of those girls kissing me."

"I can forgive that," she says. "I didn't mind when the District 1 girl kissed you. But when that girl from 3 kissed you, I did mind."

"I was caught off guard," I say. "Thalia and I were only allies. We knew one of us was going to die within the next few minutes."

"I understand that," she says. "But I can't seem to understand you and Mallory. You told me before you left that she loved you but you had no feelings for her. Then Liam tells me that he thinks that you two were seeing each other behind my back. And quite frankly, I kind of believed him. Yes, I know that he just wants me, but it makes sense. And when Damian told me that he wasn't sure if you were really genuine in your interview. It just all makes sense to me! Why else would she volunteer so quickly if she didn't want to be with you until death do you part?"

"That's unfair," I protest. "Mallory saved your life."

"See?" she yells. "You're in love with her! You still are!"  
>"She's dead, Juliana. There's no bringing her back. There's no possible way I could have a relationship with her anymore! I can never see her again or talk to her again because she put her life on the line to ensure that we stay together because she cared. She took a gamble and it killed her. She wanted me to be with you. Her last words were 'Win. For me. For you.'" I don't tell her the last part because I can't bring myself to do it.<p>

"She sacrificed herself for me," Juliana says, "I get it. She wanted us to survive together. But that didn't stop you from cheating on me! You're not denying it!" I don't deny it because I did cheat on her.

"What do you want me to say?" I ask. "I was shocked that she would do that for me. For you! What I felt for Mallory wasn't love, it was appreciation. I was awestruck that she would let her life go in exchange for yours. She never had any malice towards you!"

"Because you loved me!" Juliana yells. "Or so I thought," she adds.

"Juliana, I'm sorry. There's nothing more I can say. I'm not going to say that I never loved Mallory, but for me there's only been you."

Her face changes from anger to something else. I can't tell what. But she just looks at me and says, "Sterling, I need space for a bit. This isn't a final end, but I need to think about everything. I need to think about us and where we stand."

"Okay," I agree. "Take your time. But remember, I will always be there for you." I get up and leave, shutting the door behind me.

_So there is hope._

Then I hear his muffled voice from behind the door.


	29. Confrontations and Apologies

The open field that is my mind fills up with the armies of Truth and the armies of Hatred. They prepare to open fire on each other and all that stands between them is a large mountain called the Conscience. If the armies of Hatred wish to obliterate the weakening armies of Truth, they'll have to master the very steep Conscience and all its obstacles. It seems that maybe Truth could survive.

I return home and sulk for a while. How could she do this to me? How could he do this to me? She spends all that time lecturing me on _my_ infidelity and pulls _that_? The nerve! "You okay?" someone's voice shakes me and I turn around. It's Peeta.

"Hi," I say. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," he says. "What's up?"

"I went to sort things out with Juliana," I say. "And she wasn't quite understanding. She told me she needed time to think it over, but I heard her talking to someone else after I left. She told me I was a cheater, yet she'd do that."

"Have I ever told you about Gale?" he asks.

"Who?"

"Gale Hawthorne once loved my wife, Katniss. I never thought I could compete with him because she loved him so unconditionally. Then, one night Gale and I discussed Katniss. He came to the realization that she would only love the one she could survive without the least. I was mentally ill and Gale was heartbroken. But after Katniss's sister died, Gale lost the only thing going for him, protecting Katniss's family, so I won her over. I know it sounds terrible in summary, but I guess you should know that. Katniss kissed him plenty of times and kissed me plenty of times. She cheated on us both, but things worked out in the end."

"And where's Gale now?" I ask.

"He's in District 2. I've talked to him a few times since the Revolution. He hasn't married but he's had a few girlfriends. Sure, he's not thrilled that he and Katniss never ended up together, but he moved on."

"Are you sure?" I ask. "If he moved on, he would be happy."

"No," Peeta says. "Moving on doesn't mean indulging yourself with wants. Moving on means that you'll deal with the heartbreak and whatever life throws at you. You'll move on because you know there's no use soaking up what used to be."

"I guess you're right," I say. "I just want Juliana to know that she isn't right."

"Are you sure she's at fault?" Peeta asks. "She's emotionally insecure right now. She's watched the love of her life kiss three different girls, all of which died in your presence, on national television. One of these girls happened to earn your pledge of love. It's unnerving."

"Then what are you trying to say?" I ask.

"I'm trying to say that she's not necessarily at fault for cheating on you. Someone is obviously taking advantage of her emotional state." I nod in agreement.

It's time to pay a friend a visit.

_How long were you going to keep this up? Why would you do this to her?_ All these questions flow through my mind as I wait for him to answer the door of his house.

As soon as he enters the room, the only thing I can do is punch him in the face. This catches his attention. "What the hell is your problem?" he yells.

"Why would you do this to me?" I ask.

His yellowish green eyes glare at me with hatred. Now I get why some kids at school fear Damian Seytifer. "I'm going to act like you never did that," Damian says.

"You've been taking advantage of both Juliana and me!" I yell.

"What are you talking about?" he plays dumb.

"You've been seeing Juliana while I've been fighting for my life! You would dare to plant your lips on _my_ girlfriend while I'm in the Hunger Games! Do you know what it's like in that arena? All by yourself? Unsure if you'll survive? The fact that you would touch her and act like you're concerned for me is astounding. I'd have expected this from Liam, but not from you. I just don't get why you would touch her."

"Because you weren't having enough fun with Kendal and Thalia and Mallory?"

I punch him again, but he fights back. We tumble and punch and push and shove. Soft, but powerful, hands force us apart. I look up and see Juliana separating us. She was inside his house. _Did she hear everything I said?_

"Enough!" she yells. "This is ridiculous. Sterling, I told you I needed space."

"Space doesn't mean that you make out with my best friend!" I yell. "It means that you need alone time to think things over."

"She needed help," Damian says. I start at him, but Juliana holds me back.

"No," she says. I stop moving forward and turn away. "Sterling, don't walk away."

"Why? So you can just cheat on me to my face?"

"Don't act like you never cheated on me," she says. "I've heard what you and Mallory have done. I know everything." I turn around and shoot Damian an evil glare. He returns it.

"Just remember what I've done to get back here," I say while staring Damian down. "Just remember who you're messing with and what I'm capable of."

"You may be able to throw a decent trident," he says, "but I can still kill you with my bare hands."

"Try it," I say.

"Stop arguing," Juliana says. "Sterling, you know I loved you. I just don't understand why you would do that to me. She volunteered to save our relationship yet you still would do something with her? I'm just not following."

"Because I needed to protect her. At one point, I wanted her to win because she was the only one in there that deserved a future. None of us did."

"So you thought that meant you loved her?"

"No. I thought it meant I cared for her. She's dead now, Juliana. No matter what happened between us, it's over and can never happen again."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"No, it's not. It's supposed to make you think about where we stand. And it's supposed to make you understand that I am sorry for what I've done. I just hope you're sorry too."

With that, I turn around and start to walk away. "Sterling, don't walk away!" This time, I don't listen. "Sterling! Stop!" I don't stop. I keep walking until I'm all the way home.

I sit on the couch in the living room and make the decision that I am done with them both.

_If only Mallory were here._


	30. Sane and Insecure

Sometimes I wonder if immortality exists. Would I be able to move on in life and forget about those that have hurt me? Would their memories just haunt me in the end? Could I watch everyone I know and love die, but me? Immortality sounds nice at first, but then it'll end up hurting you. Just like Hunger Games has hurt me.

I sign up for school. I would rather go there than have to sit in my house. My mother has been doing better, so Peeta and Katniss left. However, Johanna remains in District 4. I think she's doing it more for her than for my mother, but I don't mind. I kind of like the peace that exists in the house now.

"Are you sure?" the secretary asks me as I finish my application.

"Positive," I say. I know that I might have to face Damian and Juliana again, but that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. _Mallory made a sacrifice too._ I can still hear her voice in my dreams. _What if I died?_ _What if Mallory were standing in this very spot, remembering me?_ I can't dwell on the past. I know that. I just wish that I could have someone to really talk to.

Peeta's story of Gale has gotten to me. _Poor Gale._ He never wanted to hurt Katniss yet he ended up getting the short end of the stick. But, before I know it, I'm in school and the workload has me forgetting the other things on my mind, like Juliana and Damian.

During my Pre-Capitol History class, I zone out. I don't understand what my ancestors have to do with my life now so I don't pay any attention to my teacher go on about some war with some far away place that once controlled all of Panem.

At lunch, I sit alone. People look at me in awe because I'm _the_ Sterling Odair, victor of the Hunger Games, slayer of tributes, and a murderer.

"Is anyone sitting here?" someone asks. I look up. The girl looks about my age, maybe younger. She repeats, "Is anyone sitting here?"  
>"No," I say. "Sit down." I move some of my books out of the way. "I'm Sterling," I introduce myself.<p>

"Yes," she says, "I know. I'm pretty sure everyone here does." I smile a bit. "I'm Sabrina." She isn't from District 4, I can tell. She has really light brown hair with streaks of blonde in it. They seem like natural streaks though. Her eyes are a grayish color that I just can't make out. _Is that brown behind those clouds?_

"Nice to meet you," I say. "You're not from around here, are you?"

"No," she says. "District 3 originally. But we move around a lot."

"Why?"

"My dad's job," she says. I'm about to ask her what he does when she asks, "What about you? You originally from here?"

"13," I say. "I was born there, but my mother and I returned here afterwards."

"I see," she says. "I don't want to seem rude, but why don't you sit with other people? I'm sure every kid here wants to have a chance to talk to you."  
>"I used to sit with friends," I say. "Then the Games came and things changed. Now I don't."<p>

"You still see the tributes, right?"

"What do you mean?" my tone grows cautionary.

"My mother was a victor many years ago," she says. "She still hears and sees the tributes."

"My mother's the same way," I tell her. "She's the famous Annie Cresta. The one they always refer to when they talk about insane victors. I just hope I don't end up the same way."

"I wouldn't worry," Sabrina says. "I highly doubt you'll get the same effects." I smile at her. She seems very nice. "My mother always told me how lucky I was that Paylor abolished the Hunger Games. She told me how terrible the Reaping was each year. I guess luck has run its course."

"I guess so," I say. "When did you move here?"

"Right after the Games ended," she says. "District 4 needed my dad so here I am."

"What does your father do?" I ask. But the sound of the bell interrupts our conversation and she gets up and leaves. _Who is this girl?_ Sabrina what?

The rest of my day drags on. Nothing exhilarates me or gets my attention. I guess back before the Revolution victors had to sit around and wait for the next Games. Kind of boring. Sure, they give you money and glory, but what's so special about that when you have no one to sure it with?

"Are you okay?" my mother asks me one evening. I look up at her. I realize that I've been sitting at the kitchen table staring into space. Every so often my mind wanders back to the arena.

"Yeah," I say. "I'm fine."

"I know what you're going through," she says. I sometimes forget that beneath the ear-covering frenzies, my mother can be sane deep down. _This is one of those moments_. I try my best to soak it up because I know she'll go back to her old ways in a flash.

"How do you get past it?" I ask. _Stupid question._

"I don't," she says. "I try to. But trying and succeeding are two different things. Hopefully you can find a way to bridge them together. When you do, teach me your ways. I need to figure that out."

"Deal," I say. Maybe the day will come when I've figured out how to try and succeed at everything. In the meantime, I will be a human and fail from time to time. "Where's Johanna?"

"She left this morning," Mother tells me. "She left rather abruptly I must say. But she wanted to say goodbye."

"How nice of her," I remark. Johanna was never warm and friendly to me. That's just not her thing. I just expected _something_ similar to a goodbye. Of course I'm wrong. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," my mother says. "Sterling." I turn around. "I love you."

I smile because she's no longer talking to her dear Finnick. She's actually talking to me. "I love you too," I say. I go upstairs and study the photograph of my father for a while.

_How did you survive it?_ Then I realize. _You didn't._


	31. Old Tears

Did society return to normal? No. Everything continued as it had been. I ate lunch with Sabrina everyday. She's good at carrying out a conversation. Then the day came when my Prep Team had to return with Zelda for the Victory Tour.

They showed up early this morning, around seven. I woke up to the sound of "Should we wake him now?"

"No," I responded. "You already woke me up."

Mohawk, Vixen, and Nia proceeded to strip me down and make me pretty. It wasn't too much work, if I can say so myself. My Prep Team left me in my room alone around ten. Now I'm waiting for Zelda to arrive. Rather impatiently. I like Zelda a lot. Even though our last encounter was pretty awkward, I've realized that I have no real reason to have malice towards her.

I've kept in touch with Leon because of my "talent." For some reason, victors have to have some sort of hobby that they _must_ share with Panem because Panem really cares that much. _Note the sarcasm please._

"You look marvelous," Zelda says when she walks into the room. I don't even see her enter.

"Zelda," I say and she rushes into my arms for a hug.

"How have you been?" she asks.

"Great. You?"

"Wonderful." She motions to my Prep Team to come back for their encore. They each carry different outfits. "I have designed these for you. You can wear one for the train, one for District 2, and one for the Republic. There are plenty of others in the train, but these three are my favorites."

Each member of my team unveiled the outfits and once again I feel stricken by the beauty. I'm drawn, however, to the outfit Nia holds. It's a simple white button-down with light blue accents. The pants are black and the belt has a silver buckle.

"I love this," I say. I look at the light blue accents and study them closer. I see Thalia's eyes flash by and I step away. Kendal's eyes rush at me. Then Mallory's. I turn away from the outfit all together, trying to hide my pain.

"Then you'll wear that for the train this afternoon," Zelda says. "Wonderful." Mohawk, Vixen, and Nia rush out and Zelda and I are left alone.

"Are you okay?" I ask. The empty look in her brown eye has me wondering what her issue is.

"I'm fine," she says and tries to blink happiness back into her face. "Really, I am."

"Okay," I say. "You'd tell me if there was something wrong, right?"

"Of course, Sterling."

I drop the subject. No use pushing. My mother comes to see me off. She's a lot better now. They canceled the Victory Tour her year because of her level of sanity, or lack there of. She smiles at me as I prepare to leave. "You have your father's face," she says. "He'd be so proud."

I smile back at my mother and give her a big hug. "I love you," I say. My mother gives me a kiss on the forehead and I leave.

"We have to hurry," Zelda says. Cameras and reporters follow us as we walk to the train station to meet up with Leon.

"How did Lonny take it?" I ask suddenly as we walk. I remember that Lonny had been quite fond of Mallory.

"What?" she asks.

"How did Lonny take it? You know, Mallory?"

"Oh," Zelda purses her lips for a second. "He's fine now. When it happened, he was distraught. I think he actually he believed she would come home."

"Did you?" I ask.

"No," Zelda says. I'm shocked at first, but then she says, "I believed in you too much."

"Thank you," I say.

We arrive at the train and Leon greets me rather giddily. "Oh I just cannot wait to start this tour off!" "Oh, this is so exciting!" et cetera.

"How's your talent?" Leon asks me as I settle in.

I've been working out because Leon suggested male modeling. Honestly, I hate it, but it's what the people want. If only seduction was applicable. If he heard me sing, though, he'd change his mind.

One thing that I've kept a secret from just about everyone is my singing ability. I'm not saying I'm absolutely amazing, but I can carry out a tune pretty well. "It's okay," I say.

After we eat dinner, I walk back to my compartment. I open up the door to the compartment across from mine and walk inside. I feel the chill of a dead person's room. I sit on the bed. I remember hearing Leon once say that these trains are only used for the Hunger Games nowadays. During Paylor's presidency, they transported people and goods. That luxury hardly exists under Jasper's hardly democratic regime.

As I move to get comfortable, I feel something hard beneath my thigh. I pull back the blankets and see a beautiful antique silver and green bracelet. I pick it up and see a small little charm hanging from it, a little disc. _MA_ is etched into the disc in careful script writing.

_Mallory Azure._

I shudder and hold the bracelet close to my heart. This will be the closest that I will ever be to Mallory again. Now all I have left of her are memories and the tears that begin to fall from my eyes, turning into desolate water droplets on my shirt.

"Please come back to me," I whisper. The tears flow silently like a stream, never ending sadness encroaching on my sanity. "Please." Then I see her face like I did for the last time. I feel her last human kiss. Then the images turn dark and grotesque as I watch the lava pour down from the volcano over her lithe frame. I yell and scream for her to run, but I can't stop it.

I watch Mallory crumble and, even though I never actually witnessed the lava's assault, I can still envision it. I run towards her, but with every step, she grows farther and farther from me. "Mallory!" I call out to her. _Silence._

And the silence will continue forever.


	32. The Tour

The aches and pains that come with heartbreak never finish ensuing. There is no way I could forget Juliana or Mallory, no matter how hard I try.

In all, my life sucks. Then there's my mother. Johanna makes her visits every so often, but she's really crumbling. Sooner or later, I'll have to commit her. But right now I have to worry about the Victory Tour.

District 12.

When I step off the train to the awaiting crowd, I fake my smile and wave at them. I'm used to the shrieking women by now. A hand clamps down on my shoulder and look to my side, where my old buddy Peeta is.

"How ya doing?" he asks me with a smile. I smile back. I just nod. Katniss appears behind him. Her stomach looks swollen and she looks down at it and nods. _Katniss is pregnant._

"Boy or girl?" I immediately ask.

"Not sure yet," she says. "Time will tell."

My visit to 12 is short and sweet and I like it that way. There's a small parade in the square and then I deliver a small, meaningless speech. I try my best to avoid the looks from Jace and Savannah's families. It's too painful.

I eat dinner with the governor, Peeta, and Katniss, sleep in the Justice Building, and get back on the train the next day. The same thing goes for every other district. I perfect my methods of avoiding the gaze of the tributes' parents. It's rough

In District 3, I look at Thalia's parents and her siblings and decide to cut my speech short. "Thalia was one of my closest allies in the arena," I say. "No. She was more than that. She was my friend. Losing her has been rough on me as it has been rough on her family, which is why I wish to put out my hand and hope you join me in saying, 'The Hunger Games needs to end'." Collective gasps run throughout the crowd. Peacekeepers immediately move their weapons into place, but I ignore them. "I cannot see those that I have formed special bonds with because of the Hunger Games and I don't want this happening to any other teenager. Thank you."

_Take that Jasper!_ I can be a rebel if I want.

I step off the podium and walk into the Justice Building, leaving behind a shocked crowd burning with the ambition to rise above Jasper and his Hunger Games. When I walk into the Justice Building, the yelling is instantaneous. Thanks to Leon, I won't hear for a week.

I do my best to ignore the incessant rampage and just nod and say, "I'm sorry." Am I sorry? Hell no.

I wake up from the haze of a dream, lost with no direction. The Victory Tour will be a brief moment in my saga. I feel that way, at least. My modeling is nothing short of extraordinary, judging by the way that I win over my female audiences. I give short speeches about the honor and prestige of winning such an amazing competition. I even thank Jasper a few times. But, soon enough, the Victor Tour has come to a close.

"You did a wonderful job," Zelda tells me as we step out of the Justice Building in District 4. The camera crews have left and all that remain are Zelda, Leon and me. I disregard Leon, though, because he is still on cloud nine about the Victory Tour.

"Thank you," I respond.

"Your mother probably misses you."

"I miss her too," I say, rubbing my shoulder. I never really gave it a thought while I was fighting for my life all those months ago, but my mother was probably a complete mess during my Games. I can't imagine how things were without me there.

But I'm not going to let Jasper push me around anymore. I can't let him hurt my mother. I can't let him hurt me. He took Mallory away from me and he forced Juliana away by simply manipulating me. I may have to mentor next year, but I won't mind it if it means beating Jasper at his own games and seeing the success of whoever my player may be.

_What am I turning into?_


	33. Discovery

School isn't so bad when you have someone to talk to. I pretty much lost all of my friends after I came back, but that was my doing. I wanted to distance myself from what who I was. I'll admit it. The Hunger Games changed me into a different man. A man.

Sabrina is different. I don't see myself becoming romantically involved with her. She's too elusive for me, constantly changing subjects when something feels too close to home or too uncomfortable. I don't really care though. I can actually recount everything to her. _Everything._ I told her all about the Hunger Games and my nights with Mallory and my life with my mother and my resentment for my father. _Everything._

But she doesn't say a thing.

"Sabrina," I catch her attention one day at lunch. "I always talk about my life. You can tell me about yours. I feel like we're friendly enough to be real friends."

"I don't like talking about myself," she informs me.

"I can tell," I respond. "But if I can trust you this much, know that you can trust me." I'm trying to distance myself from flirtation now. That wouldn't be a good thing at this point.

"My father was Head Peacekeeper in District 3," she explains. _What?_ "He was transferred here to act as Deputy Head Peacekeeper."

"Your father is a Peacekeeper? I've been going off about my hatred for Jasper and the Peacekeepers altogether and you never said anything?"  
>"I love my father when he's not in the white suit," she says. Her eyes are swelling. Those illustrious gray eyes of hers. I shut up. "I don't want him to be one but that's how we earn money. That's how we can afford to live."<p>

"I understand," I say. I really try to but her father is the very thing I hate most: the Capitol. "When were you gonna tell me?"

"I didn't want to," she admits. "But you're taking this a lot better than I expected." We both laugh. I don't know even why it's so funny. "At least we can trust each other now." We laugh again.

"The Hunger Games are approaching," I pick up the phone one day. No "hello" from Leon. Just a declarative in the most obnoxious of tones.

"I'm aware," I say.

"You best be preparing," Leon's obnoxious voice makes me want to puke.

"And how would I do that?" I ask.

"Practice your speaking, of course."

"Oh of course. How silly of me!"

"Lose the sarcasm," Leon says. _Click._

The days leading up the Reaping are short. The time has come and I watch from the stage as the children of District 4 line up. Leon takes center stage and makes the usual announcements and the speech about the great President Jasper.

"And now to the Reaping," he announced. I grit my teeth and pray that I get someone worthwhile. Being a mentor will be interesting, to say the least.

"Marina Jestis," Leon reads aloud. A girl of seventeen years puts on an artificial brave face and steps onto the stage. Leon reaches into the bowl of boys' names. "Damien Seytifer." _Good. Maybe he'll die._ What am I even thinking?


End file.
